How To Un-Spoil Your Kid, According To Parenting Experts

Malte Mueller via Getty Images

A spoiled kid is one who thinks and acts like the world revolves around them. They’re used to getting what they want, when they want it — and if they don’t, they’ll throw a fit until they do. They show little to no appreciation for what they have and expect others to cater to them, often without contributing anything in return.

Some parenting experts don’t like to use the word “spoiled” to describe a child because it implies they’re somehow “ruined.” Some prefer the word “entitled,” with a focus on labeling the negative behavior, not the kid’s character.

According to parenting coach Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, examples of entitled behavior might include “the expectation that things will be done for them, like the household chores, or awarded to them unnecessarily, like getting candy for trying one bite of broccoli or getting paid to do homework.”

“Entitled kids may also believe they are the center of the universe and that rules don’t apply to them,” McCready said. “They usually get their way and fail to show gratitude.”

All kids will have “off” days when they act up from time to time. So “it’s important to distinguish between whether your child is just having a rough day or they are exhibiting ‘spoiled’ behaviors” consistently, said McCready, who wrote the book “The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World.”

Parenting coach Traci Baxley, author of “Social Justice Parenting,” told HuffPost that in her work, she focuses less on the kid’s behavior and more on the parents’ habits and approach. Caregivers rarely set out to raise a spoiled child, but they may end up indulging their kids anyway for a number of reasons.

“Parents show up using the limited tools they were taught, or attempt to overcompensate for lack in their own childhood,” Baxley said. “Parents are humans first, with lived experiences and possible traumas from the past that show up as fear, protection, and misguided, but well-intended, love.”

One quick thing to clear up: Spoiling a kid has nothing to do with “over-loving” them, said Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the “Raising Good Humans” podcast.

“There is never a limit to how much love you have and show children,” she said. “This does not contribute to that sense of entitlement.”But if your way of showing love to your child is “tending to their every wish and need without teaching them there are limits, and that they can do and work towards things themselves,” then your kids are more likely to be entitled, McCready said.

No child is born “spoiled”— it’s a learned behavior, Baxley said. So the good news is that we can help our kids become less entitled by modifying our parenting approaches and helping them change their behavior in turn. Here’s how to “un-spoil” a child, according to experts.

Do some self-reflection.

Take time to think about why you make some of the parenting decisions you do. Ask yourself: “Why do I need to over-purchase for my child? Why do I find it too difficult to say no? How does it make me feel after I’ve bought something or said yes when I really wanted to say no?” Baxley said.

“See what bubbles up for you,” she said. “See if you can connect something in the past to your current parenting practices and engage in small intentional steps to make changes.” Be aware that this kind of reflection can be difficult for some parents, because it may bring up painful memories from their own childhood.

“Please know that this process may include getting professional support, great patience and giving yourself grace along the way,” Baxley said.

Encourage autonomy.

“This means not doing for your child what they can already do for themselves, guiding and encouraging them to do what they can almost do, and teaching and modeling things they are not yet ready to do,” Pressman said. Examples might include things like getting dressed, putting on their shoes or making a snack.

Set and enforce boundaries consistently.

You may hate setting limits or saying “no” to your kid because it’s exhausting or distressing to watch them have a meltdown. But kids want and need consistent boundaries, Baxley said. Nevertheless, they’ll push back — “and push back hard if they aren’t used to boundaries from their parents,” she said.

“During their breakdowns or lack of emotional regulation, acknowledge the feelings instead of rewarding the temper tantrum or negative behavior,” she said.

How do you do this? Say something like: “‘I see you are disappointed you couldn’t get that toy today’ or ‘I know not being allowed to have a sleepover with your friends makes you angry,’” Baxley suggested. “This demonstrates that you have empathy and compassion for them in this situation, but you’re enforcing boundaries.”

Give them responsibilities at home.

When you kid is accustomed to you catering to their needs, it’s not easy getting them to meet your new expectations to do more at home. It can help to use what McCready calls “when-then routines.”

“You can use a when-then routine for anything from getting household work done —‘When the dog is walked, then you can see your friend’ — to bedtime — ’When your teeth are brushed and you’re in your pajamas, then we can read your book. But remember, lights out at 8 p.m.,’” she said. “Please note that the ’thens’ are regularly occurring events and activities and not rewards!”

Ditch rewards for everyday tasks.

Rewarding your kids with money, treats or toys to motivate them to do their homework or brush their teeth may work in the moment — “but in real life, prizes for basic tasks are few or nonexistent,” McCready said.

“That’s why it’s important to nurture long-term motivation — the capacity for hard work and self-achievement — and the benefits that come from that effort alone,” she said.

Don’t rescue your kid when they make mistakes or experience setbacks.

Parents have a tendency to want to rush in, fix things and save the day, often unnecessarily. It’s OK — good, even — to allow kids to fail and experience consequences for their actions.

“If a child did not get the part in the play or picked for the soccer team, support them through their challenging feelings, but don’t offer to speak to the coach and change the situation,” Pressman said. “If they forget their homework, allow them to experience the discomfort of owning up to it rather than having you explain it to the teacher. That helps kids grow up knowing what it feels like to be disappointed and to seek emotional support and move forward.”

Expect — and accept — that your child will be upset with you.

It’s inevitable: Your kid is going to get angry or disappointed with you at times. They might even say they don’t like you or need you. But parenting isn’t about being popular or well-liked all the time, Baxley said.

“Don’t let their behavior and words determine your family’s values and boundaries,” she said. “As part of a child’s development, from toddler to teenager, they test the power of using their voice. They are caught between two ways of being — to be independent and take care of themselves and the need to be loved and nurtured by their parents.”

You can give your child space to voice their feelings and frustrations without giving in to them all the time.

“Listen attentively and lovingly,” Baxley said. “We want them to know their voice and opinions matter. Stay consistent with your established values, so they know what your family’s guideposts are and they learn how to be accountable for their words and actions.”

Reinforce values like community and teamwork.

Entitled kids may struggle to think about other people’s needs. Having them contribute to the household by assisting with chores, or having them participate in community volunteer work, can help reinforce this.

“When we participate in acts of kindness, we experience a sense of joy,” Baxley said. “Each time our children get an opportunity to do for others, we build these habits of kindness. Over time, these habits will become the learned behaviors that we desire for our children.”

Help them be more considerate of others, shifting their focus from “me, me, me” to “we, we, we.”

“Look for those everyday moments to do so,” educational psychologist Michele Borba previously told HuffPost. “Like, ‘Let’s ask Alice what she would like to do,’ ‘How do you think Daddy feels?’ ‘Ask your friend what he would like to play’ or ‘Let’s go volunteer at the soup kitchen.’”

Refrain from shaming them.

Making your kid feel ashamed over their entitled behavior isn’t going to be productive for them or for you.

“Shaming does not help kids get unspoiled,” Pressman said. “Avoid saying, ‘You’re spoiled because…’ Instead, focus on helping kids understand that their behavior may need some fine-tuning, but who they are as a person is someone you love unconditionally.”

https://i0.wp.com/onlinemarketingscoops.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/5c66033d23000082012298d0.jpg?resize=66%2C66&ssl=1

Source: How To ‘Un-Spoil’ Your Kid, According To Parenting Experts | HuffPost UK Parenting

.

Related contents:

Marketing Programs You May Like:

10 Bold Actions In Positive Life     https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383942/
3D Pal Toons     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/381689/
4brandcommercial        https://jvz1.com/c/202927/375487
7 Minutes Kit      https://jvz8.com/c/202927/374505/
9 figure Success        https://jvz8.com/c/202927/384653/
Ad Raven      https://jvz4.com/c/202927/382796/
ADA Bundle   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/389298/
Ada leadz     https://jvz8.com/c/202927/376381
ADA Web      https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383751/
AdRaven       https://jvz3.com/c/202927/382851/
Adsense Machine      https://jvz2.com/c/202927/290487
Adtivate Agency      https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383700/
AdvertSuite     https://jvz1.com/c/202927/335011/
AdzHero     https://jvz2.com/c/202927/366972/
AffiliateMatic     https://jvz3.com/c/202927/381148/
Agency Client Finder    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/384619/
AgencyScale      https://jvz4.com/c/202927/383111/
AIWA Commercial     https://jvz2.com/c/202927/365061
ALL-in-One HD Stock    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/381560
Animaxime    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/383307/
Appimize      https://jvz8.com/c/202927/370227
Appoint B Agency     https://jvz1.com/c/202927/384630/
Appointomatic      https://jvz6.com/c/202927/374258
Appowls    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/381231/
Art Of Living    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/382425/
Audiencetoolkit     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/302715
Audio Studio  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/389119/
Aweber Crash Course     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/383057/
Backlinkindexer    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/88118
BettingMaster      https://jvz2.com/c/202927/387079/
BevTraders    http://www.bevtraders.com/?ref=arminham
Big Audio Club     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/380087/
BigAudio Club    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/380877/
Boost Optimism   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/380692/
BrandElevate   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/381807/
BrandElevate   https://jvzoo.com/c/202927/381812
Bybit     https://www.bybit.com/en-US/invite?ref=ALEXP
CanvaKitz    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/379051/
ChatterPal    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/324615
Clientfinda   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/370806
Clipsreel   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/372682
Commission smasher   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/376879
Content Gorilla   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/330783
Content Tool Kit   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/329145/
contentGenie   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/387717/
CourseAlly eLearning   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/384759/
CourseReel   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/355249
Courserious   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/360397/
Coursova   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/376527
Creaitecontent  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/376986
Credit Repair   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/377815/
Cryptokit    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/383809/
CryptoRocket    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/378113/
CryptoUnderworld     https://jvz8.com/c/202927/374345/
Dealcheck     https://dealcheck.io?fp_ref=armin16
DesignaSuite      https://jvz2.com/c/202927/297271
DesignBeast    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/371547
DevelopSelfEmpowerment     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/383094/
DFYContentClub     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/381337/
DFYSuite   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/381194/
Diabetes Guide    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/358870/
Diddly Pay’s    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/315596
Diet fitness diabetes   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/286851
Domainname    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/377005
Dominate Email   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/386980/
Doodleoz   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/388700/
Dropshiply   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383483/
DUX Forex Signals   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/128215/
EBook Agency    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/384573/
Ejaculation Total   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/75989/
Email Monetizer    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/386337/
EngagerMate  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/328172
EngageYard   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/383051/
Explaindio    https://jvz1.com/c/202927/123757/
Extreme Adz   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/379244/
Extreme Coupon  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/216101/
EZ Local Appointment  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/385180/
EZDeals  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/377689/
Ezy  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/381935/
Ezy MultiStores  https://jvzoo.com/c/202927/381935
Facebook Cash Machine   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/382333/
Facedrip  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/376325/
FaceSwap   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/381768/
Fade To Black   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/344541
Fanpage  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/144349
Fitness Nutrition   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/353334/
Followup Builder   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/386313/
Forex Atlatian   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/25069/
Forex Blizz   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/144577/
Forex Blue Stark  https://jvz3.com/c/202927/47481/
Forex expert   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/376877
Forex Hybrid Scalper    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/95037/
Forex Joustar   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/381617/
Forex Mastery   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/144621/
Forex Scouts   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/132677/
forrk  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/373449
FusionMT4    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/372523/
FX Goldminer  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/381439/
Galactic  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/188236/
Gaming job   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/184902  s
Genesis Mining   https://www.genesis-mining.com/a/2535466
Gluten free   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/296191
GMB Snap  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/376661/
Graphic Alta  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/324492/
Heal Your Emptiness   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/384848/
High Converting Emails  https://jvz3.com/c/202927/386305/
HostLegends    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/384774/
Hostley Domain Creator   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/379223/
Human Synthesys Studio  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/367353/
ImageX   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/363237/
IMSyndicator  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/370769
Inboxr   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/312692
Insta Keyword    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/351606/
Instant Website   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/377557
InstantWebsiteBundle          https://jvz6.com/c/202927/377557
iTraffic X  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/320466
keysearch  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/236407/
KlickCourse   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/385006/
KlickXCopy    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/385458/
Klippyo Kreators  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/327447
KoinCart   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/383555/
Leadvalet   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/385580/
LegalSuites   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/388896/
Levidio Royal Podcasting   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/384025/
Linkable DFY   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/385873/
Linkomatic  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/380937/
LiteTrading   https://www.litefinance.com/?uid=929237543
Live Your Truth  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/379020
Living An Intentional Life    https://jvzoo.com/c/202927/382455
Living an International Life    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/382455/
Local Leader   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/383751/
Local Sites   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/380543/
LocalAgencyBox  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/359468
LocalCentric   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/379339/
LocalioAI    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/378310/
MarketAll      https://jvz2.com/c/202927/386971/
Marketingblocks     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/374934
MarketPresso   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/369837
Massfluence  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/386885/
Mat1 Simple Funnel   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/380197/
Maxslides  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/376842
Mech Forex Robot   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/383447/
MediaCloudPro   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/343635
Megasuite   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383953/
Mobi First   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/353694/
Motion Kingdom Studio  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/383177/
Movid Animation  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/380385/
MT4Code System   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/376925
My Passive Income   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/384099/
MyMailIt   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/292919
MyTrafficJacker   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/353558
Next Drive  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/371095/
NichBox  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/370705/
Organic Life Guide  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/366872/
Pcommerce   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/372265/
Phemex  https://phemex.com/register-vt1?referralCode=D8HUS2
Photokit  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/373207/
PicsAds   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/385468/
PigMoneyMethod   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/377665/
Pipstock    http://pipstockexchange.com/register?ref=204
Pitchdeck   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/347847/
Pixal  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/378775/
PixaStudio    https://jvz1.com/c/202927/373089/
Pixivid   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/385213/
PlanB Muscle Growth   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/36517/
PlayerNeos   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/376962
Podcast Advantage   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/379995/
Podcast Masterclass  https://jvz3.com/c/202927/379998/
PodKastr    https://jvz1.com/c/202927/369500/
PopLinks    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/368095/
Postradamus     https://jvz6.com/c/202927/108695
Power Reviews    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/384625/
Powrsuite   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/376361
PR Rage  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/343405
Prime Stocks   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/369164
Profile mate    https://jvz4.com/c/202927/358049
Promovidz   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/375692/
Push Button Traffic   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/301402
PWA Agency   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/353694/
QR Verse   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383865/
Quintex Capital     https://quintexcapital.com/?ref=arminham
Quit Smoking    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/359081/
QuizMatic   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/387116/
Reputor   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/380159/
ReVideo  https://jvzoo.com/c/202927/381761
ReviewReel   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/382663/
Rewriter   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/353373/
RSI SEO   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/384381/
Scriptdio   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/385387/
Sendiio   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/325450/
Seniors Income    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/383888/
Senuke  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/279944
ShopABot   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/291955
ShopFunnels   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/384069/
SocialAgency360   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/385357/
SocialMediaMarketing   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/243553/
SociCake  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/321987
Socifeed   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/375706
SociJam  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/309649
Soronity  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/368736
SqribbleEbook   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/283867
Stackable Picture   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/385046/
Steven Alvey’s   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/351754
Stock Mages   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/388669/
Stoodaio   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/372094
Storymate    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/320972
StoryReel   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/387813/
StreamPilot   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/385431/
Studioninja   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/374965
Sunday Freebie  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/267113/
Super backdrop   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/376524
Survai    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/380933/
Syndranker    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/378143/
Talkingfaces   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/375550
The Internet Marketing   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/289944
Tonai Voice Content   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/383119/
Toon Video Maker    https://jvz2.com/c/202927/357201
TrafficForU   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/381950/
Trendio  https://jvz3.com/c/202927/381003/
TubePal   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/379863/
Tubeserp   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/370472
TubeTargeter  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/377211
TuneMingo    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/386556/
TV Boss Fire  https://jvz6.com/c/202927/379480/
Ultrafunnels A.I   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/381129/
VIADZ Ad Template  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/379307/
Vidcentric   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/376095
Viddeyo    https://jvz6.com/c/202927/382326/
Videevolve   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/381011/
Vidently   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/387798/
Video Campaignor      https://jvz4.com/c/202927/387058/
Video Games   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/184902/
VideoEnginePro     https://jvz2.com/c/202927/372916
VideoGameSuite    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/366537/
VideoRobot Enterprise   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/291061
VidKreate   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/386029/
VidMingo   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/378359/
VidRaffle   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/386840/
VidSnatcher    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/342585
VidVoicer    https://jvz1.com/c/202927/379983/
Vidzura   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/385754/
Viral dash   https://jvz6.com/c/202927/375959
Viral Quotes      https://jvz2.com/c/202927/386984/
VirtualReel   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/376849
Vocalic  https://jvz2.com/c/202927/383848/
VoiceBuddy    https://jvz1.com/c/202927/342854
VR Studio  https://jvz8.com/c/202927/388296/
WebCop  https://jvz4.com/c/202927/378683/
Webinarkit   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/383937/
Webprimo   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/379455/
WordPress Mastery   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/386249/
WowBackgraounds   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/381556/
WP GDPR    https://jvz8.com/c/202927/299907
WP Simulator    https://jvz3.com/c/202927/46987/
Writer Arc   https://jvz1.com/c/202927/386602/
writing job   https://jvz8.com/c/202927/213027
XBrain Forex   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/372305/
XFUNNELS   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/310335
Xinemax  https://jvz1.com/c/202927/381749/
YoDrive   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/384700/
YoSeller   https://jvz4.com/c/202927/387544/
Your 3DPal   https://jvz2.com/c/202927/381685/
YTSuite   https://jvzoo.com/c/202927/381179
Zappable   https://jvz3.com/c/202927/367328/

Six Tips To Retain Key Employees And Prevent High Turnover Rates

High turnover is a nightmare for HR personnel and the owner of a company. The loss of a valuable employee can be detrimental to growth. Not only can the loss lead to lower productivity, but it can also cost the company financially.

According to the US Bureau of Labour Statistics, in July 2021, about 4 million people quit their jobs and about 10.9 million positions were declared open. This year, the UK reported an employee deficiency that has had a crippling effect on its economy. In the tech industry, managers have said that the increase in turnover is at an all-time high.

As a business owner, when employee turnover is high, it is time to re-evaluate the business. You first have to determine why your employees are leaving before you know how to stop it. Some of those reasons could be a lack of one or more of the following: flexibility, support, growth, appreciation, vision and engagement.

There are many reasons why your employees could decide to leave your company. Now while one or two employees leaving may seem negligible, a large number of employees, especially important ones, is cause for alarm. Here are a few strategies you can implement to help prevent high turnover rates.

1. Have flexible work options.

One thing many individuals have realized since the pandemic hit is that they can have flexible work hours and still be productive. According to a report by Beqom (download required), over 70% of American workers would take a job with flexible working hours over a higher-paying one. Flexibility does not have to be in the number of hours alone. It may also be start time, vacation days or day-to-day regulations in the organization, among other things.

Most employees do not want to work in a harsh environment where rules are set in stone with no possibility of flexibility whatsoever. Rules in the workplace are important to ensure that everything runs properly; however, when the rules are too rigid, employees can start to feel smothered.

2. Offer your employees support.

Many employees value empathy in their employer and will likely seek out and stick with an employer that cares about their well-being as a person instead of just the value they add to the company. Ask your employees what area of their job they find unnecessarily taxing and how you can make it easier on them; an immediate solution may not be possible but making an effort is the first step. This could also help solve or prevent burnout. And according to a Microsoft report, 54% of employees say they are overworked.

Support employees in learning a new skill for their current role — it would ultimately serve both you and the employee. While it’s almost impossible to solve all the problems of your employees, offering support goes a long way.

3. Help employees reach their career goals.

This is one of the main reasons employees leave. If they feel as though they are not growing in their careers, they could be tempted to look elsewhere. An organization that promotes career-driven goals can help employees achieve those goals to the benefit of everyone involved.

If an employee is steadily growing at an organization and they see a good prospect for them there, they are less likely to move on. Help your employees attain this by creating avenues for growth; this includes networking programs, seminars, mentoring opportunities and so on.

4. Acknowledge and appreciate your employees.

A good way to motivate your employees is to always acknowledge when someone does a great job. Everyone wants to be recognized for their hard work, and if an employee isn’t feeling appreciated, it could cause them to consider leaving your company. Believe it or not, many employees value this more than salary. Appreciate employees when they do a good job in the way that most suits them.

5. Communicate your vision.

No one wants to work at an organization that doesn’t have a clear vision or is left out of the loop. As employees grow, your business must also grow in scope. Have a clear vision for the future of your business, and be committed to communicating it. Feelings of being left in the dark, or low/poor communication in general, can make employees consider leaving. Employees can’t share in your vision if it doesn’t exist or is unclear.

6. Involve your employees.

No matter how good you are at running a business, not seeking your team’s input before making decisions could have devastating effects. When all the decisions are made without the input of employees, the work environment starts to feel like a dictatorship where ideas and input are not welcome. This can lead to employees moving to other companies where they feel like their opinion matters. Involve relevant stakeholders for each decision where it’s appropriate; there’s a balance to strike between stalling all decisions and authoritarian management.

As an HR professional or a business owner, you can help prevent high employee turnover or keep that star employee happy by keeping the above tips in mind. The most important thing is to recognize dissatisfaction in your staff and react in a timely way to offer solutions so they can continue being an active and productive member of your staff.

Follow me on Twitter or LinkedIn. Check out my website.

Marketing Consultant/Franchise Owner of Sylvan Learning Center of Murrieta, CA. Read Chastity Heyward’s full executive profile here.

Source: Six Tips To Retain Key Employees And Prevent High Turnover Rates

.

More contents:

 

33 Small, Nice Things to Do When Your Relationship Feels Disconnected

We’ve all been there at one time or another. Something is…just a bit off in your relationship. You can feel it. No, this isn’t a lets-draw-up-the-divorce-papers scenario. But there’s a palpable sense of distance and disconnection. Maybe it’s due to a sudden change in schedules. Maybe it’s because every day feels the same and you’ve both fallen into a little bit of a funk. Maybe it’s something else entirely.

Whatever the case, you’ve noticed that your relationship feels distanced and want to take some steps to close that space. Good for you. Here, then, are a variety of small, nice things to do if you feel disconnected from your partner. Will they all work for you? No, but each requires effort. And effort is what’s needed to make a change.

Talk about it. Seriously. Your partner is not a mind-reader. If you don’t bring up the fact that you feel distance, they won’t know how you feel and you won’t know how they feel. Hell, they may be surprised that you feel it. Either well, it will be helpful. So put it out in the open, explain what’s on your mind, and listen to your partner do the same.

Don’t blindside them when they have a five minute break from work or they finished bathing the kids. Choose the right time to bring it up.

Show appreciation. And be specific about it. Mention the loving way they defused that tantrum the other day. Compliment them on how thoughtful they are. Tell them they’re a wonderful parent. Make it known that you’re paying attention.

Ask questions. About work. About friends. About colleagues. About sex. About anything and everything. Importantly, listen actively and remember the answers. Curiosity is what keeps couples connected.

Offer up information about yourself, too. Did you eat a great sandwich today? Hear a great song? Are you working on something interesting at the office? Did your toddler do something ridiculous at the park this morning? Tell your partner. You need to be three-dimensional, too.

Make time for one another. Even if it’s just 20 minutes together doing the dishes after dinner. Set aside the time. Disconnection often happens when alone time is not actively pursued.

And make plans for next month. Real plans. The more interesting the better. Is there a cool show in town? An interesting restaurant that you both want to eat at? An axe-throwing place you want to check out? Whatever the case, find something that will give you something to talk about and connect over.

But also discuss far-off plans. Excitedly talking about the future helps make it obvious that you will both be together for the long haul. And who doesn’t like to imagine the good things to come? “Wouldn’t it be amazing to sail around the Greek isles together when we’re retired?” Yeah, it would.

Download a relationship or sex app. Use them on your next date night. Many contain a variety of exercises to help stave off boredom. Here are a few to check out.

Plan a date night. In or out. Fancy or casual. Just make it happen.

Text. Call. Occasionally pop in and say hi. Don’t be overbearing, but check in because you want to.

Put down the damn phone. If you can’t go five minutes without thumbing through Instagram, you can’t expect your partner to think you’re listening.

Say thank you. However often you think you’re saying it, say it more.

Identify your spouse’s love language. Speak it often.

Stay up to date about expectations. The who-does-what-and-how talk is not a one-time conversation. It is an ever evolving one that must take place regularly. It helps keep you both on the same page and does a lot to ward off resentment.

Set goals together. What do you want to accomplish in the next year? What do you want to achieve in the next few years? What does your partner want? Don’t know? Figure it out. Discussing your goals and arriving at a shared set together that you can then map out is a big step in feeling connected.

Try to incorporate some couple’s therapy exercises. So many are designed to re-establish connection. Here are some to consider.

Try to maintain the “magic formula” of a happy marriage. Dr. John Gottman discovered that for every negative interaction you have with your partner, you need five positives. Stick to this as often as possible and good things will follow.

Reflect on the good times. Reminisce. Because A) this shows your partner that you look back fondly on your relationship and B) it helps you both remember why you decided to live a life together in the first place. That goes a long way.

Turn towards, not away from your partner’s bids for connection. That is, when they tell you a story about their day or offer something for you to respond to, respond to them as much as possible.

Hold hands. Touch the small of their back. Give them more hugs. Embrace the six-second kiss. Just make a pact to be more affectionate in general.

Schedule sex. It may not seem sexy, but this is a simple way to put connection on the calendar.

Handle whatever needs to be handled so they can take some time for themselves — be it an hour or an entire weekend. A relationship can only function at its fullest potential if both partners have the chance to feel like individuals. Help them carve out the time.

Call your friends. Talking to and hearing from your buddies fills you with stories to share and advice to receive. It also helps keep things in perspective.

Play a board game. Build a pillow fort. Go go karting. Just do something silly together. Silliness is a big part of connection.

Don’t bother them when they’re doing the thing they like to do. We all need time to decompress.

But sometimes watch that show that they like to watch but you don’t. You know the one. Yup, that one.

Try, really try, to make them laugh.

Hang out together without talking. Just being comfortable together is important, too.

Give them a kiss before they leave and when they return. Or, if you’re the one to leave before you leave and when you return.

Check in at the end of each day. Talk about what went right, what went wrong, what made you roll your eyes.

Say “I love you” often. But not so often that it becomes the thing you say to prevent them from being upset with you. You get it. We know you do.

Play an active role in your relationship. That is, never stop trying.

Source: 33 Small, Nice Things to Do When Your Relationship Feels Disconnected | Fatherly

.

Related Contents:

Avoid These 5 Phrases That Make You Sound ‘Passive Aggressive’: Body Language Expert

Today, we live in a world where business, degrees and even entire relationships are conducted behind a screen. As a result, employee frustration and miscommunication is at an all-time high, with tone alone being misinterpreted almost half of the time in email, leading to endless wasted hours and heightened anxiety.

For better or worse, digital communication, whether it’s through email or direct messages on platforms like Slack, don’t let us see each other’s immediate reactions — which is why we look for ways to “politely” express irritation. The key word is “politely,” but it isn’t always interpreted that way.

So let’s take a look at the five most common phrases employees use that actually make them passive aggressive and petty:

1. “Per my last email…”

What it actually means: “You didn’t really read what I wrote. Pay attention this time!”

2. “For future reference…”

What it actually means: “Let me correct your blatant ‘mistake’ that you already knew was wrong.”

3. “Bumping this to the top of your inbox…”

What it actually means: “You’re my boss [or employee]. This is the third time I’ve asked you. I need you to get this s*** done.”

4. “Just to be sure we’re on the same page…”

What this actually means: “I’m going to cover my a** here and make sure that everyone who refers to this email in the future knows that I was right all along.”

5. “Going forward…”

What it actually means: “Do not ever do that again.”

It’s likely that you’ve used one of these phrases before without even realizing that it could be perceived as passive aggressive. Or, you may have been on the receiving end, which can also be frustrating.

(Even as a digital body language researcher, whenever I see “Thanks for your patience” in an email, I can’t decide if they’re brushing me off with an undefined future date, or if they really only need a few days longer than expected to get back to me. In most cases, though, I know they’re just saying “Sorry I’m late with this; it’s taking longer than I thought.” That’s all.)

The right way to express what you mean

So how should we frame our own “Just following up on this” without engaging in any passive aggressiveness? When is it okay to loop in our boss without seeming like a jerk? When do we use the phone to call and clarify something?

Here are four things successful communicators do:

1. Don’t respond to messages or emails when you’re angry or frustrated.

This prevents miscommunication, wasted time and regret. If you feel emotionally hijacked, save your email message as a draft and revise and send it when you’re in a better mood.

2. Assume good intent.

Instead of calling someone out for screwing up, step into their shoes and ask yourself, “What are some reasons why they might have made this mistake?”

It’s better to people exactly what they need to take action. Sometimes just adding a quick brief so that they don’t have to go back and read through previous emails and writing “Here’s what I need from you” or “Here are the open dates again” is helpful.

3. Show empathy and encouragement.

Replace imperative words like “Do this” with conditional phrases like “Could you do this?” When delivering feedback, begin your message by expressing appreciation using words like “Thank you for [X]” or “Excellent job on [X].”

If your boss, or even a client, sends you a passive aggressive email, fight that urge to send an even more petty reply. Lowering your actions down to their level will only escalate the tension and increase anxiety.

4. Avoid digital ghosting.

Need to get back to someone? Here’s a quick guide to remember:

  • If you can answer in 60 seconds or less: Respond immediately.
  • If it’s urgent: Respond immediately or let the sender know you are working on it. Make an appointment with yourself on your calendar if you need to.
  • If it’s a matter lacking urgency: Don’t stress; block out time to follow up after at your convenience.
  • If you’re the one waiting for a response: Unless it’s critical that you get a reply ASAP, remember that people may have a lot on their plates. If you follow up twice and don’t get a reply, switch to a different medium (e.g. a phone call).

Image

By: Erica Dhawan, Contributor

Erica Dhawan is a leadership expert, keynote speaker and author of “Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance.” She is also the founder and CEO of Cotential, a company that has helped leaders and teams leverage collaboration skills globally. Her writing has appeared in publications, including Fast Company and Harvard Business Review. Follow her on Twitter @ericadhawan.

Source: Avoid these 5 phrases that make you sound ‘passive aggressive’: Body language expert

More Contents:

Want to sound smarter? Avoid mixing up these 11 most commonly confused words in English

Bad at public speaking? The trick is to distill your message to these 15 words, says speech trainer

The 11 extremely common grammar mistakes that make people cringe—and make you look less smart: Word experts

Could pandemic unemployment be extended beyond Labor Day? What experts are saying

Dr. Fauci: ‘Things are going to get worse’ — here’s what that could look like

Kevin O’Leary reacts to a couple who retired in their 30s with $870,000: ‘I like people that plan’

There Are Two Types of Happiness & We’re Chasing The Wrong One

1

We’re always chasing something—be it a promotion, a new car, or a significant other. This leads to the belief that, “When (blank) happens, I’ll finally be happy.”

While these major events do make us happy at first, research shows this happiness doesn’t last. A study from Northwestern University measured the happiness levels of regular people against those who had won large lottery prizes the year prior. The researchers were surprised to discover that the happiness ratings of both groups were practically identical.

The mistaken notion that major life events dictate your happiness and sadness is so prevalent that psychologists have a name for it: impact bias. The reality is, event-based happiness is fleeting.

Happiness is synthetic—you either create it, or you don’t. Happiness that lasts is earned through your habits. Supremely happy people have honed habits that maintain their happiness day in, day out. Try out their habits, and see what they do for you:

1. They slow down to appreciate life’s little pleasures

By nature, we fall into routines. In some ways, this is a good thing. It saves precious brainpower and creates comfort. However, sometimes you get so caught up in your routine that you fail to appreciate the little things in life. Happy people know how important it is to savor the taste of their meal, revel in the amazing conversation they just had, or even just step outside to take a deep breath of fresh air.

2. They exercise

Getting your body moving for as little as ten minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses. Happy people schedule regular exercise and follow through on it because they know it pays huge dividends for their mood.

3. They spend money on other people

Research shows that spending money on other people makes you much happier than spending it on yourself. This is especially true of small things that demonstrate effort, such as going out of your way to buy your friend a book that you know they will like.

4. They surround themselves with the right people

Happiness spreads through people. Surrounding yourself with happy people builds confidence, stimulates creativity, and it’s flat-out fun. Hanging around negative people has the opposite effect. They want people to join their pity party so that they can feel better about themselves. Think of it this way: If a person were smoking, would you sit there all afternoon inhaling the second-hand smoke? You’d distance yourself, and you should do the same with negative people.

1

5. They stay positive

Bad things happen to everyone, including happy people. Instead of complaining about how things could have been or should have been, happy people reflect on everything they’re grateful for. Then they find the best solution available to the problem, tackle it, and move on. Nothing fuels unhappiness quite like pessimism. The problem with a pessimistic attitude, apart from the damage it does to your mood, is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy: if you expect bad things, you’re more likely to experience negative events. Pessimistic thoughts are hard to shake off until you recognize how illogical they are. Force yourself to look at the facts, and you’ll see that things are not nearly as bad as they seem.

6. They get enough sleep

I’ve beaten this one to death over the years and can’t say enough about the importance of sleep for improving your mood, focus, and self-control. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, removing toxic proteins that accumulate during the day as byproducts of normal neuronal activity. This ensures that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your energy, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don’t get enough quality sleep. Sleep deprivation also raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Happy people make sleep a priority, because it makes them feel great and they know how lousy they feel when they’re sleep deprived.

7. They have deep conversations

Happy people know that happiness and substance go hand-in-hand. They avoid gossip, small talk, and judging others. Instead they focus on meaningful interactions. They engage with other people on a deeper level, because they know that doing so feels good, builds an emotional connection, and is an interesting way to learn.

8. They help others

Taking the time to help people not only makes them happy, but it also makes you happy. In a Harvard study, employees who helped others were ten times more likely to be focused at work and 40% more likely to get a promotion. The same study showed that people who consistently provided social support were the most likely to be happy during times of high stress. As long as you make certain that you aren’t overcommitting yourself, helping others is sure to have a positive influence on your mood.

9. They make an effort to be happy

No one wakes up feeling happy every day and supremely happy people are no exception. They just work at it harder than everyone else. They know how easy it is to get sucked into a routine where you don’t monitor your emotions or actively try to be happy and positive. Happy people constantly evaluate their moods and make decisions with their happiness in mind.

10. They do things in person

Happy people only let technology do their talking when absolutely necessary. The human brain is wired for in-person interaction, so happy people will jump at the chance to drive across town to see a friend or meet face-to-face because it makes them feel good.

11. They have a growth mindset

People’s core attitudes fall into one of two categories: a fixed mindset or a growth mindset. With a fixed mindset, you believe you are who you are and you cannot change. This creates problems when you’re challenged, because anything that appears to be more than you can handle is bound to make you feel hopeless and overwhelmed.

People with a growth mindset believe that they can improve with effort. This makes them happier because they are better at handling difficulties. They also outperform those with a fixed mindset because they embrace challenges, treating them as opportunities to learn something new.

Happiness can be tough to maintain, but investing in the right habits pays off. Adopting even a few of the habits from this list will make a big difference in your mood.

This post was originally published on LinkedIn.

Dr. Travis Bradberry
Travis Bradberry is the co-author of the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founder of TalentSmart, which provides emotional intelligence tests and training to corporate clients.
728x90

Especially for you, we’ve collected the 50 most amazing and happiest facts that will definitely make your day a little brighter. Always look at the bright side of life!
Music by Epidemic Sound https://www.epidemicsound.com/
Subscribe to Bright Side : https://goo.gl/rQTJZz
%d bloggers like this: