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The Top 10 Fears That Hold People Back in Life, According to a Psychotherapist

Whether your fears involve your relationship, career, death, or discomfort, staying inside your comfort zone will ensure you live a small life.

In fact, as a therapist, I see a lot of people work so hard to prevent themselves from ever feeling anxious that they actually develop depression. Their efforts to make themselves stay comfortable inadvertently backfire. They live boring, safe lives that are void of the risk and excitement they need to feel fully alive.

Here are the top 10 fears that hold people back in life:

1. Change

We live in an ever-changing world, and it is happening more rapidly than ever before. Despite this fact however, there are many people who fear change, and so they resist it.

This can cause you to miss out on many good opportunities that come your way. You run the risk of being stagnant and staying stuck in a rut when you avoid change.

2. Loneliness

The fear of loneliness can sometimes cause people to resist living alone or even to stay in bad relationships. Or, the fear of loneliness causes people to obsessively use social media to the extent that they miss out on making face-to-face connections.

And while it’s smart to ward off loneliness (studies show it’s just as harmful to your health as smoking), it’s important to surround yourself with healthy people and healthy social interactions.

3. Failure

One of the most common fears on earth is the fear of failure. It’s embarrassing to fail. And it may reinforce your beliefs that you don’t measure up.

You also might avoid doing anything where success isn’t guaranteed. Ultimately, you’ll miss out on all the life lessons and opportunities that might help you find success.

4. Rejection

Many people avoid things like meeting new people or trying to enter into a new relationship because of the fear of rejection. Even individuals who are already married avoid asking a long-time spouse for something imagining that the person will say no.

Whether you fear asking that attractive person out on a date or asking your boss for a raise, the fear of rejection could keep you stuck. And while rejection stings, it doesn’t hurt as much as a missed opportunity.

5. Uncertainty

People often avoid trying something different for fear of uncertainty. After all, there’s no guarantee that doing something new will make life better.

But staying the same is one surefire way to stay stagnant. Whether you’re afraid to accept a new job or you’re afraid to move to a new city, don’t let the fear of uncertainty hold you back.

6. Something Bad Happening

It is an unfortunate and inevitable fact that bad things will happen in life. And sometimes, the fear of doom prevents people from enjoying life.

You can’t prevent bad things from happening all the time. But don’t let that fear stop you from living a rich, full life that’s also full of good things.

7. Getting Hurt

Hopefully your parents or a trusted adult taught you to look both ways before you cross the street so that you wouldn’t get hurt. But, quite often, our fears of getting cause us to become emotionally overprotective of ourselves.

Your fear of uncomfortable feelings and emotional wounds might prevent you from making deep, meaningful connections. Or, it might stop you from being vulnerable at work. But, without emotional risk, there aren’t any rewards.

8. Being Judged

It’s normal to want to be liked. But, the fear of being judged can prevent you from being your true self.

The truth is, some people will judge you harshly no matter what. But, trusting that you’re mentally strong enough to live according to your values, is key to living your best life.

9. Inadequacy

Another fear shared by many people is the feeling of not being good enough. If you feel like you don’t measure up, you might become an underachiever. Or, you might become a perfectionist in an effort to try and prove your worth.

The fear of inadequacy can be deep-rooted. And while it’s hard to face it head-on, you’ll never succeed until you feel worthy of your success.

10. Loss of Freedom

A certain amount of this fear can be healthy, but it becomes a problem when it holds you back in life. For many people, the fear of the loss of freedom becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

For example, someone who wants to live a free life, might avoid getting a job with a steady income. Consequently, they might miss out on the freedom that comes with financial stability. So it’s important to consider what you’re giving up when you fear losing certain freedoms.

 

By Amy MorinAuthor, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”

Source: The Top 10 Fears That Hold People Back in Life, According to a Psychotherapist

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The Importance of Working For A Boss Who Supports You

Employers seek loyalty and dedication from their employees but sometimes fail to return their half of the equation, leaving millennial workers feeling left behind and unsupported. Professional relationships are built on trust and commitment, and working for a boss that supports you is vital to professional and company success.

Employees who believe their company cares for them perform better. What value does an employer place on you as an employee? Are you there to get the job done and go home? Are you paid fairly, well-trained and confident in your job security? Do you work under good job conditions? Do you receive constructive feedback, or do you feel demeaned or invisible?

When millennial employees feel supported by their boss, their happiness on the job soars — and so does company success. Building a healthy relationship involves the efforts of both parties — boss and employee — and the result not only improves company success, but also the quality of policies, feedback and work culture.

Investing In A Relationship With Your Boss

When you’re first hired, you should get to know your company’s culture and closely watch your boss as you learn the ropes. It’s best to clarify any questions you have instead of going rogue on a project and ending up with a failed proposal for a valuable client.

Regardless of your boss’s communication style, speaking up on timely matters before consequences are out of your control builds trust and establishes healthy communication. Getting to know your boss begins with knowing how they move through the business day, including their moods, how they prefer to communicate and their style of leadership:

  • Mood: Perhaps your boss needs their cup of coffee to start the day. If you see other employees scurry away before the boss drains that cup of coffee, bide your time, too.
  • Communication: The boss’s communication style is also influenced by their mood. Don’t wait too late to break important news. In-depth topics may be scheduled for a meeting through a phone call or email to check in and show you respect your boss’s time. In return, your time will be respected, too.

Some professionals are more emotionally reinforcing that others. Some might appear cold, but in reality, prefer to use hard data to solidify the endpoint as an analytical style. If you’re more focused on interpersonal relationships, that’s your strength, but you must also learn and respect your boss’s communication style.

  • Leadership: What kind of leader is the boss? Various communication styles best fit an organization depending on its goals and culture, but provide both advantages and disadvantages. Autocratic leaders assume total authority on decision-making without input or challenge from others. Participative leaders value the democratic input of team members, but final decisions remain with the boss.

Autocratic leaders may be best equipped to handle emergency decisions over participative leaders, depending on the situation and information received.

While the boss wields a position of power over employees, it’s important that leaders don’t hold that over their employees’ heads. In the case of dissatisfaction at work, millennial employees don’t carry the sole blame. Respect is mutually earned, and ultimately a healthy relationship between leaders and employees betters the company and the budding careers of millennials.

A Healthy Relationship With Leaders Betters The Company

A Gallup report reveals that millennial career happiness is down while disengagement at work climbs — 71% of millennials aren’t engaged on the job and half of all employed plan on leaving within a year. What is the cause? Bosses carry the responsibility for 70% of employee engagement variances. Meanwhile, engaged bosses are 59% more prone to having and retaining engaged employees.

The supportive behaviors of these managers to engage their employees included being accessible for discussion, motivating by strengths over weaknesses and helping to set goals. According to the Gallup report, the primary determiner of employee retention and engagement are those in leadership positions. The boss is poised to affect employee happiness, satisfaction, productivity and performance directly.

The same report reveals that only 21% of millennial employees meet weekly with their boss and 17% receive meaningful feedback. The most positive engagement booster was in managers who focused on employee strengths. In the end, one out of every two employees will leave a job to get away from their boss when unsupported.

Millennials are taking the workforce by storm — one-third of those employed are millennials, and soon those numbers will take the lead. Millennials are important to companies as technology continues to shift and grow, and they are passionate about offering their talents to their employers. It’s vital that millennials have access to bosses who offer support and engage their staff through meaningful feedback, accessibility and help with goal-setting.

In return, millennial happiness and job satisfaction soar, positively impacting productivity, performance, policy and work culture. A healthy relationship between boss and employee is vital to company success and the growth of millennial careers as the workforce continues to age. Bosses shouldn’t be the reason that millennial employees leave. They should be the reason millennials stay and thrive in the workplace, pushing it toward greater success.

I am a digital marketing specialist, freelance writer and the founder of Punched Clocks, a career advice blog that focuses on happiness and creating a career you love. I graduated from The Pennsylvania State University in 2014 with majors in Marketing and Economics and a focus in psychology. After graduating, I began my career and started writing on the side after studying the psychology of happiness.

Source: The Importance of Working For A Boss Who Supports You

 

 

 

YouTube Remove Man Who Wanted Sick People to Drink Paint Thinner

Candida and parasite elimination specialist, Danny Glass, has been telling people for years on YouTube how to remove parasites from their system. Ironically, YouTube has done just that, as they have removed him from their platform for violating terms of service.

Danny, who is currently living in Thailand, offers “health coaching” services under the name Sun Fruit Dan.  Before YouTube deleted him from their platform, he had uploaded over 1,300 videos, in which he would promote dangerous fringe alternative health treatments to his nearly 90,000 followers. For example, Danny published tens of videos rambling about the alleged health benefits of consuming the industrial bleach, Miracle Mineral Solution (MMS), believing it to cure everything from Candida (an opportunistic pathogenic yeast) to HIV. He was also a strong supporter of the Genesis II cult and their self-styled Archbishop leader Jim Humble, who first promoted MMS as a panacea and who sees consumption of the hazardous chemicals as sacrament. Danny went so far as to recommend a book written by the cult’s leader, which recommends injecting critically ill people with this bleach.

Danny is perhaps best known as YouTube’s most prevalent pusher of drinking turpentine, believing it to be a panacea. Turpentine is comprised of a mixture of aromatic organic compounds known as terpenes, and is primarily used as a solvent or paint thinner. It is obtained by the distillation of the resin from pine trees and, therefore, is natural and, according to Danny, is safe to consume.

In the past, turpentine and it’s related products have a long history of medical use, mainly as topical counterirritants for the treatment of muscle pain. For a brief period of time, these compounds became the main ingredients in snake oil cure-alls, along with ammonia and chloroform, but as moderne medicine not only progressed, but became more accessible, this cure-all tonic became a thing of the past. That was until a woman by the name of Jennifer Daniels began prescribing the paint thinner to her patients. As you can imagine, this did not go down well with the authorities, who began to investigate Daniels. According to the New York medical board, she surrendered her license in 1989, less than 6 years after it was granted, to avoid any further investigation into her questionable treatment methods (like when she fed an incredibly sick woman a glass of kerosene) or board actions. No longer able to practice medicine, Daniels moved to Panama, where she is making a comfortable living producing books, radio shows, CDs, and videos selling supplements and health coaching.

Both Danny and Daniels subscribe to the idea that Candida is responsible for all of man’s ailments, and believe that turpentine can rid the body of this parasite. Although Candida exists, it is not responsible for any of the plethora of illnesses these charlatans claim it to be and, in many ways, is a fake disease.

There is zero evidence to suggest that consuming turpentine will have any health benefits, but there is a mountain of data to prove its toxicity. Yet, despite this simple fact, Danny became one of turpentine therapy’s strongest supporters, publishing hundreds of videos on the subject, all of which had Amazon affiliate links in the underbar. When combined with ludicrous amounts of Google ads he would pepper throughout his videos, Danny earned “thousands, upon thousands, upon thousands” of dollars every month.

The more of Danny’s videos I watched, the more concerned I became, as It became clear early on that his viewers who had tried turpentine therapy had become unwell. They had reached out to Danny, after feeling the effects of consuming this toxic solvent, for advice, and were told in multiple videos to continue consuming it. Danny, who has no medical or scientific qualifications, did this because he believes “pain is healing” and the discomfort you feel when consuming turpentine is not a direct result of your body interacting with this toxic substance, but from the toxins released from the parasites after it kills them.

I felt compelled to make a video because I believed it would only be a matter of time before someone was seriously hurt after following Danny’s advice. I hoped that my video would either deter one of Danny’s unsuspecting victims, or even help the man himself see how dangerous the fringe alternative health treatments he promotes are.

Soon after publishing the video I got my answer.

The fact that the first thing to come to his mind after watching my video was money and views, and not the wellbeing of the people who listen to his ‘medical’ advice, says everything about him. Despite being confronted with evidence that, not only were the products and treatments he was promoting useless, but also potentially life threatening, Danny continued to publish videos promoting the magical non-existent properties of turpentine. That was until YouTube, earlier this month, removed him from their platform.

 

Danny was removed from the platform because he violated the YouTube terms of service; particularly their policies on publishing content that “aims to encourage dangerous or illegal activities that risk serious physical harm or death”. This was obvious to everyone apart from Danny, who couldn’t fathom why he would be removed from the site.

In the video below, published on his second channel, Danny is confused as to why his channel has been removed, believing that the only reasons channels are ever terminated is because of copyright strikes, advertiser unfriendly content, and videos in which people swear.

People like Danny believe what they believe because they want to believe it. They think they are in possession of privileged knowledge, which gives them a sense of unwarranted authority and importance that they lack in their day to day mundane life. That’s why when they are confronted with information that contradicts their beliefs, they double down, even if it means they continue to spread dangerous ideas, because it’s all about them, them, THEM!

“And it’s not just affecting me. The main issue I have with this is, yes it’s affecting my income, but also at the same time it’s stopping me from fulfilling my mission and helping as many people as possible. So much of my information in the videos I have made have helped so many people heal from so many health issues and symptoms. So now people can’t receive that content. And I am not spreading my message through YouTube, which is one of the biggest social media platforms in the world.” – Danny Glass

Danny is deluded! He never helped anyone! He conned them into drinking poison so he could make a quick buck! When confronted with evidence that he may be promoting harmful treatments, he gloated that the increased viewership would generate him more money.

In his latest video, Danny said he was moving to BitChute, which would allow him to make more risky content. Clearly, he’s running with this, as his latest video is advising on how to give ‘turpentine therapy’ to dogs.

The guy is quite literally a parasite feeding off the desperation and ignorance of his hosts, making himself wealthy as he makes them ill. I, for one, am glad that YouTube acted on his advice and removed this parasite from their platform. I can only hope that he is the first of many.

Source: YouTube Remove Man Who Wanted Sick People to Drink Paint Thinner

11 Secrets Of Irresistible People

Image result for Irresistible People

Some people, regardless of what they lack—money, looks, or social connections—always radiate with energy and confidence. Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.

These people are the life of every party. They’re the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.

You just can’t get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, “What do they have that I don’t? What makes them so irresistible?”

The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.

Irresistible people aren’t constantly searching for validation, because they’re confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.

Since being irresistible isn’t the result of dumb luck, it’s time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.

Get ready to say “hello” to a new, more irresistible you.

1. They Treat Everyone With Respect

Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that—no matter how nice they are to the person they’re having lunch with—it’s all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they’re no better than anyone else.

2. They Follow The Platinum Rule

The Golden Rule—treat others as you want to be treated—has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.

The Platinum Rule—treat others as they want to be treated—corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.

3. They Ditch The Small Talk

There’s no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you. Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they’re told to other important facets of the speaker’s life.

4. They Focus On People More Than Anything Else

Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don’t spend much time thinking about themselves. They don’t obsess over how well they’re liked, because they’re too busy focusing on the people they’re with. It’s what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.

To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you’re with. Focus on what they’re saying, not what your response will be, or how what they’re saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.

5. They Don’t Try Too Hard

Irresistible people don’t dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It’s not that they’re resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn’t even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.

6. They Recognize The Difference Between Fact And Opinion

Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don’t shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they’re opinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.

7. They Are Authentic

Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they’ll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.

People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It’s easy to resist someone when you don’t know who they really are and how they really feel.

8. They Have Integrity

People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.

9. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they’re talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

10. They Make An Effort To Look Their Best (Just Not Too Much Of An Effort)

There’s a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes—it’s a sign of respect for others. But once they’ve made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.

11. They Find Reasons To Love Life

Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They’re never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.

It’s not that irresistible people don’t have problems—even big ones—but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.

Bringing It All Together

Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They’ve simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.

They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you’ll be.

What other qualities make people irresistible? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Travis co-wrote the bestselling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and co-founded TalentSmart.

I am the author of the best-selling book Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the cofounder of TalentSmart, a consultancy that serves more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies an…

Source: 11 Secrets Of Irresistible People

Ever Felt Jealous of a Friend’s Achievement? Here’s How to Get Around It – Tim Herrera

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Tell me if this sounds familiar: Back in high school, a classmate you didn’t really know beat your score on an important test. Big deal, who cares.

But on that same test, your best friend beat your score. You’re happy for your friend, but for some indefinable reason, you’re also a little bitter that you were outscored, and then you felt guilty for being resentful over your friend’s success.

It’s O.K., you’re not a bad person. Our brains are programmed to feel that confusing mix of pride and jealousy, and we have the self-evaluation maintenance theory to thank.

This phenomenon was first studied by the social psychologist Abraham Tesser, who, in a 1988 study, wrote that our self-evaluation is threatened far more by loved ones who excel in areas we define ourselves by — like our work or a particular skill — than by strangers who excel in the exact same way. We instinctively compare ourselves more to people who are close to us, even though, paradoxically, it can engender bitterness.

In fact, our brains are so bent on those comparisons that in one experiment, subjects actively sabotaged their friends from succeeding.

The worst part? They weren’t even aware they were doing it.

What’s happening is this: When someone we love is successful at something we also want to be successful at, our brains subconsciously sets up a battle — fueled by our instincts for self-interest — between pride and jealousy, Shankar Vedantam writes in his fascinating book “The Hidden Brain.” We’re generally unable to say why we have these feelings, but nonetheless they are very real.

So what can we do?

Like many behaviors attributable to our subconscious, we can’t correct something we can’t see. But there are ways to head off these feelings before they happen, and you can train yourself to recognize the symptoms when you exhibit them.

When those feelings of jealousy begin to set in, instead of framing a friend’s achievement as something you could have done but didn’t, try to find the complementary aspects of their achievement to discourage the implicit comparison, Vedantam writes.

Say, for example, your best friend earns an award in your shared field. Rather than ask yourself, “Why didn’t I win that award?” find the ways your friend’s work is different from the things you do and the goals you have set for yourself. Embrace the prideful side of this coin, and celebrate your friend’s accomplishment — studies have shown that a loved one’s accomplishment can even rub off on you, increasing your own self-evaluation.

More important, just remember this: Someone else’s success doesn’t detract from yours. Even if you haven’t won that award. (Yet.)

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