How To Use Psychology To Stop Your Impulsive Online Shopping

Combine a pandemic that’s kept us cooped up indoors with an unusually cold winter and what do you get? A perfect recipe for some highly questionable online impulse purchases. Maybe you can’t stop hunting for a cocktail dress to wear at those summer weddings you may-or-may-not attend.

Or maybe you suddenly find your AmazonBasics kitchenware lacking in comparison to the celebrity chefs you’ve taken recipe inspiration from. Either way, if you feel like your online shopping has been more out of control than usual, you’re not alone: Consumer spending on e-commerce platforms shot up 44% over the past year, according to information from the U.S. Commerce Department.

Financial experts will tell you that if you want to curb unnecessary spending, you need to unsubscribe from marketing emails, block websites, and delete your credit card information from your browser. It’s sound advice that does the trick for many — but sometimes these tips can backfire or simply not go far enough. (Not to point any fingers, but this author may or may not have accidentally memorized her own credit card number from manually typing it in too many times.)

So if you’re a fellow member of the credit card memorization club who’s still spending more online than you’d like to, then you may need to replace easy hacks with more long-lasting habits rooted in behavioral psychology.

“I don’t think [easy hacks] are nearly as helpful as understanding why you’re doing it in the first place,” says Brad Klontz, a financial psychologist and certified financial planner. Here’s what to know about the psychology behind impulsive shopping and how to use that knowledge to create better habits.

Be conscious of your decision-making process

Most people would like to consider themselves rational beings, making decisions without letting their emotions get in the way. But behavioral economists have some harsh truth: that simply isn’t true. And when it comes to shopping, external players are actually encouraging you to act irrationally.

“Marketers are experts at triggering you emotionally to get you to spend your money,” Klontz says. In the digital age, where everywhere you click is seemingly a never-ending maze of email alerts and carousel ads, it can be downright impossible to avoid getting wound up, worrying you might miss out on a great deal.

“When we become emotionally charged, we become rationally challenged,” Klontz says. “Our prefrontal cortex becomes impaired.”

The prefrontal cortex is the area of your brain responsible for decision-making, and engaging it to get ahead of what triggers you to spend requires vigilance. Luckily, while the prevalence of online shopping can hinder peoples’ ability to think rationally, it also offers benefits that you can’t take advantage of in-store. Tricks like letting your cart sit for 24 hours or disabling alerts from stores can force us to reflect on whether or not it’s a good spending decision.

But managing your decision-making works best when you can individualize the experience. One way to do this is to take stock of what tends to be your go-to categories for impulsive spending and create specific parameters for what makes a purchase justifiable. For example, if shoes are your vice you might ask yourself: Can I wear them with X amount of outfits? Do I already have a similar pair that serve a similar function? Will they last for more than one season? And so on.

If you can honestly answer whatever questions you decide are important with qualifications that make spending the money worthwhile, then you’ll be less likely to cave when presented with the opportunity to make an impulsive purchase.

Train your brain to prioritize long-term gains…

What does buying a brand new KitchenAid mixer have to do with your ancestors foraging for berries to keep from starving? A lot, actually.

“So much of what we do around money and life relates back to what I call our ‘cave person’ brain,” Klontz says.

No, we don’t need to stockpile months’ worth of resources to protect our clan from outside threats, but the biological drive that motivates these survival behaviors appears to have a hand in the way people make shopping decisions.

Animals — including humans — have reward centers in their brains that respond to the “feel good” hormone dopamine when they acquire something they want or achieve a goal. Using that heightened sense of reward to your advantage by reorienting your priorities from buying something new to meeting more essential long-term financial goals could be the key to curbing unnecessary spending.

Klontz suggests those who find themselves overspending take stock of their overall financial health first and set goals from there: “Most people aren’t paying themselves first. That’s where the problem arises.”

Many financial advisors encourage people to follow the 50-30-20 breakdown: put 50% of your net income toward living expenses, 30% toward discretionary spending (aka fun money), and 20% into savings. If that last category isn’t up to par or you aren’t contributing a substantial amount to a retirement plan, Klontz says it should be your top priority before any unnecessary lifestyle upgrades.

But working to build a strong savings can still satisfy our natural inclinations to gather and protect — it just requires training. According to research from Santa Clara University, while a small portion of people have a genetic predisposition to save more due to a stronger link between their short-term and long-term thinking processes, the majority of us can get there by gradually rewiring our brain to prioritize long-term outcomes over short-term gains. The researchers found, for example, that when people were given tools to help them pre-commit to put more money in their savings accounts months in advance, they were more likely to accomplish the task and feel more positive about saving rather than spending.

Financial goal-setting apps that track your saving progress like YNAB, Mint or a good old-fashioned spreadsheet can help you start to change the way you think about saving from a chore-like must-do to a goal you can continually look forward to.

… And earn your present-day rewards

If your financial house is in order, you’re meeting that 20% savings threshold and you still have money leftover, then “frankly, I don’t care what you do with the rest,” Klontz says.

But if you want to avoid accumulating a bunch of junk you won’t actually use — even if you have the money for it — then connecting the goal of saving for a big purchase to meeting goals in your personal or work life can deliver a powerful dopamine response more satisfying than making daily “trips” to Amazon.

Here’s how it works: Say you want to buy a $250 memory foam mattress topper, an upgrade to your current set-up that will get plenty of use. At the same time, you have to give a major presentation at work in two weeks that requires extra attention each day to prepare for it. If you set aside $25 every day you work on the project, you can time an exciting purchase alongside the completion of the presentation. The delayed gratification and association between a higher level of effort with a higher reward can train you to prioritize long-term satisfaction over a short-term thrill.

Another option is to keep a list of spending ideas that come to you throughout the day — but don’t go browsing for them yet. When you browse or even let something sit in your cart for a few days, Klontz says you’re more likely to be blasted with advertisements and price change alerts specifically designed to trigger feelings of scarcity, which can influence people to make choices they usually wouldn’t.

Instead, jot down every potential purchase that comes up throughout the week and pick a dedicated day to comb through them to decide if you want to fork over the cash. Putting some distance between when the idea strikes you and when you actually hit ‘buy’ allows you the time to think through spending decisions and compare which items on your list will be most valuable to you.

If your finances are secure, there’s no need to deprive yourself of a fun splurge every now and then. It’s just about knowing how to keep yourself in check when faced with tempting offers.

By Kenadi Silcox

Source: How to Use Psychology to Stop Your Impulsive Online Shopping | Money

.

.

You May Like

Insurance

Why I Bought Life Insurance For My Young Children

With online shopping and the availability of shopping apps and more, it’s harder than ever to avoid impulse buying things you might not need. Here are some things I’ve learned that have helped me reduce impulse buying in my own life.
↓ more ↓ 🎤
Mentioned: Cait Flanders: http://www.caitflanders.com 📧 Join The Member Community: http://www.breakthetwitch.com/community ⚡️ Subscribe to Podcast: iTunes: https://goo.gl/Wo9tfP Spotify: https://goo.gl/YwQWVr Stitcher: https://goo.gl/9DkYzU SoundCloud: https://goo.gl/Zg3AYJ 📖 My Book: eBook: https://amzn.to/2JQxmgZ Audiobook: https://amzn.to/2Ia5tCr 📔 Read More On The Blog: http://www.breakthetwitch.com/

How To Teach Children Empathy

Does your child have empathy? Or should I ask, do you have empathy? One of the best ways to teach empathy is by modeling it for your child. If you show your child how to be empathetic with your actions, they will learn from you. But teaching empathy goes beyond being a positive role model for your child.

What is Empathy and Why It’s Important

Empathy is such an important virtue to possess in life. When you have empathy, you are able to actively value another person’s perspective and respond with care and concern. Empathy is about having compassion and having the ability to envision how someone else is feeling in a particular situation and responding with understanding. It’s something that parents can nurture in their child’s lives as they grow and mature but it’s never too early to start! Some people are born empathetic and it comes naturally for them. But not all people have empathy and it can be a complex skill that some people need to mindfully learn and practice.

Who Struggles With Empathy

The more egocentric a person is, the harder it is for them to be empathetic. That being said, toddlers and teenagers will have the hardest time having and showing empathy to others. Also, if a child doesn’t know a multitude of emotions and or isn’t able to freely express emotions in their home, they may have a more difficult time being empathetic to others. Children on the Autism Spectrum, for example, also have a challenging time showing compassion, empathy, and effectively having perspective taking with others.

How Parents Can Cultivate Empathy With Their Children

Play it Out

Children love to play and play is necessary for them to learn and make sense of their world and various skills on how to function in their world. So I suggest, getting a box of bandages and have your child nurse their doll or stuffed animal and help them “feel better” by taking care of them. This will help children notice when friends are hurt and want to help them and take care of them. 

Practice and Define Emotions

Children need to know emotions before they can express them and understand how others are feeling. So I suggest playing an emotion game where you make a face and your child has to name the emotion you are feeling. Then, your child makes the same face and describes a time when they felt that emotion.

Model Empathy

If your child gets hurt or gets a bad grade, try not to invalidate them or dismiss them by just saying “it’s ok” but instead model what it’s like to show empathy. You can say, “How does this grade make you feel?” and “What can I do to help support you?” and “What can I do to help you feel better?” If your child is willing to listen, you can name them their strengths and encourage them to keep trying to get a better grade next time. 

Take Another Perspective

Talk about how someone feels in a particular situation that you see on television or in real life and ask your child,  “How must they feel?” Once you establish how the other person feels, you can talk about what that person can do the next time to act differently with more empathy. You can also teach your child to initiate asking others “how are you feeling today” or “how are you doing today” but if they have trouble initiating it, teach them to respond this way to someone asking them first, to show them that you care about them. A conversation between a family member or a friend is about giving and receiving, listening and responding.

Prioritize Kindness and Inclusion

Kindness goes a long way. Teach your child to choose kindness and inclusion. Teach your child that if they see a child playing or eating lunch by themselves, have them initiate a conversation with that child and invite them to play or eat with them. If they see that a friend is hurt physically or emotionally, teach your child to ask them how they are feeling and how they can help.

Practice Opportunities

Practice doing something nice for a friend who is sick, hurt, or had a bad day. Your child can draw them a picture or make them a card or a craft and deliver it to their doorstep. If your child is older, they can send a text, email, or call their friend to check on them. 

Volunteer and Give

Have your child practice giving to others. Maybe they can volunteer at a local food bank or animal shelter. Maybe they can gather outgrown toys and give them to Salvation Army or Goodwill. Maybe they can save allowance money and buy some new toys to give to a local Children’s Hospital or Toys for Tots around the holidays. Or maybe they can draw pictures to give to individuals at a retirement center.

Host a Family Meeting

Schedule a family meeting in your home once a week. At the meeting, let everyone in the family have a turn speaking and sharing. This will provide your child the opportunity to practice listening to others and their feelings as well as have the opportunity to express themselves and their needs.

Reflect and Listen

It is important to teach children to listen to how others are feeling and then to reflect on how they are feeling. It is just as important to listen to how other’s are feeling, if not more, as to reflect on how they are feeling. Listening is a very important skill to learn and practice. If you don’t listen carefully to someone, you may miss understanding how they are really feeling and how to respond and reflect properly.  

Make a Repair

When a conflict arises, you can have your child practice making a repair. If they take a toy away from another child or a sibling, you can have your child reflect on how that made the other child feel and then follow up with asking your child what they can do differently next time and how they can make it better this time. This might mean a verbal apology, a written apology letter, an apology drawing, and even a hug.

 

By: Dr. Kim

 

Source: How To Teach Children Empathy

.

.

.

More Contents:

Teach your children EMPATHY through these quotes!
http://www.youtube.com – February 20
N/A
Black-owned kids clothing and toy brands
http://www.reviewed.com – February 17
[…] We also want to teach our children empathy and compassion for others around them while encouraging them to embrace other marginalized cultures […]
2
How to Teach Compassion to Your Children – Cambridge School Noida
sites.google.com – February 16
[…] One of the top five schools in Noida teaches children empathy and compassion to deepen the understanding and ignite the children’s ability to empathize with on […] Here are some of the tips that you can use to teach your children empathy and compassion […]
0
How to develop compassion?
anandrao.wixsite.com – February 7
[…] The following figure highlights some key strategies for teaching children empathy. Figure 3: Key strategies to teach children empathy Developing compassion is important not just in your personal or social life, but is also becomin […] and Empathy – Are we doing it right? How to build empathy in marriage? Key strategies to teach children empathy […]
1
Children’s Mental Health Week 2021: therapist releases self-help book for kids in pandemic –
jonisjournalblog.home.blog – February 4
A mental health therapist is releasing a self-help book to teach children empathy in the pandemic […]
1
Vietnamese News Aggregator
[…]   ​ Everywhere, Vietnamese parents have always taught their children empathy, desire for higher education, and most importantly, the quest for justice […]
23
Eugenia Chu’s Blog – Multicultural Children’s Book Day – Review of In the Nick of Time by Deedee Cummings – January 27, 2021 16:17
http://www.goodreads.com – January 28
[…] These kinds of books teach children empathy towards those who look different and promote cross-cultural friendship while dispelling stereotypes […]
0
Multicultural Children’s Book Day – Review of In the Nick of Time by Deedee Cummings – EUGENIA CHU
eugeniachu.com – January 28
[…] These kinds of books teach children empathy towards those who look different and promote cross-cultural friendship while dispelling stereotypes […]
N/A
Can pets like cats and dogs think like humans?
http://www.smh.com.au – January 23
[…] Pets help teach children empathy, too […]
N/A
Shweta Verma on LinkedIn: #ADayonGinnysPlanet Meet Raadhika (Foodshaala Foundation) who is #
http://www.linkedin.com – January 14
[…] #grownups #empathymatters #diversityandinclusion #diversity #storytelling #inclusion #behaviour #children #empathy #empathymatters A Day on Ginny’s Planet | 17 Jan 2021| Sunday| 15 Events | All Ages | Art & Craft […] #grownups #empathymatters #diversityandinclusion #diversity #storytelling #inclusion #behaviour #children #empathy #empathymatters #socent #cooking #foodandnutrition #ADayonGinnysPlanet Meet Raadhika (Foodshaal […]
N/A
Is it normal to just burn yourself out trying to care for other people? Or like is it possible that at some point you just become to tired to give a damn about someone? : NoStupidQuestions
http://www.reddit.com – January 11
[…] They tell you, “put on your mask before helping others” including children. Empathy burnout happens when the person doesn’t put themselves first […]
N/A
Best Parenting Books: Top Picks for 2021
[…] In this book, she offers a step-by-step plan to increase empathy in your children. Empathy is a trait that can be taught and nurtured and Dr […]
57
Big Emotions- Yours and Theirs (Part 3)
learningathome.com – January 4
[…] is a gift that you give children that they will benefit from their entire life through:​ Showing children empathy and respect​ Demonstrating confidence in a child’s capabilities ​ Teaching them they have contro […]
0
Opinion | An Empathy Lesson for Teens Amid a Pandemic – The New York Times
http://www.nytimes.com – January 3
[…] She writes about the need for “empathy” for her teenage children. Empathy, however, is not feeling sorry for bored teens temporarily denied […]
N/A
Co-Parenting with a Narcissist
talkingparents.com – January 2
[…]   Model emotional intelligence for your children – Empathy, compassion, and forgiveness are not emotions your children are going to learn from their othe […]
57
10 ways parents can teach their kids to be allies to the LGBTQ+ community •
gcn.ie – December 22, 2020
[…] Teaching your children empathy and how to look at the world from someone else’s shoes gives them emotional intelligence […]
3
What Parenting is About: 8 Tips For Success- Daycare Las Vegas –
infokidscampuslv.wordpress.com – December 21, 2020
[…] Teach Children Empathy and Respect When children are raised well, they have a remarkable capacity for compassion an […] If parents don’t take the time to teach their children empathy, it can make them impulsive and cruel […]
0
Children’s Books of 2020 | Nasher News
nasher-news.com – December 14, 2020
[…] might not all be best sellers or trending across social and digital media but each book teaches children empathy and acceptance, things not often found in children’s literature […]
0
Mom Punishes Daughter For Mocking Homeless Man: AITA
percolately.com – December 11, 2020
One of the successes of a parent is teaching your children empathy […]
91
Navigating Parenting Challenges – How Can I Get My Kids to Do Chores? | Oakes Public School District #41
http://www.oakes.k12.nd.us – December 10, 2020
[…] Pitching in teaches children empathy, responsibility, and the importance of belonging to a community […]
0
Leaving Facebook
m.facebook.com – December 6, 2020
We’re just checking that you want to follow a link to this website: https://washingtondc.momcollective.com/mom-life/co-parenting-navigating-the-grief-of-separation-while-teaching-children-empathy/ Go BackFollow Link
N/A
Stories of Our Volunteers: How Can Volunteering Change Your World
novakdjokovicfoundation.org – December 4, 2020
[…] The soul is healed by time spent with the children. Empathy is nurtured through volunteering […]
N/A
Co-Parenting: Navigating the Grief of Separation While Teaching Children Empathy
washingtondc.momcollective.com – December 2, 2020
[…] Teaching Children Empathy During a Separation I created an affectionate space for open communication about our feelings […]
1
Service Projects for Kids At Home: 10 Ways To Serve Your Community
nurtureandthriveblog.com – December 2, 2020
[…] Here is what you can do — you can teach your children empathy, compassion, and the joy of serving the community right in your own home […]
23
Charitable Christmas gift ideas in Singapore | HoneyKids Asiat
honeykidsasia.com – December 1, 2020
[…] families to being an animal benefactor, these meaningful and charitable presents will teach your children empathy and the value of helping others […]
1
Tour: The Empathy Advantage by LYNNE AZARCHI (Non-Fiction)
nanasbookreviews.wordpress.com – November 26, 2020
[…] Director of Kidsbridge Tolerance Center, has the answer to these growing problems:  teaching our children empathy […]
1
10 best Christmas decor items to spruce up your home this holiday | indy100
http://www.indy100.com – November 25, 2020
[…] The wheel is an excellent tool for teaching children empathy and introducing concepts of giving at a time when the “gimme-gimmes” can be high […]

Acting Like an Extrovert Has Benefits But Not for Introverts

A group of amateur figure skaters enjoying a day at a frozen lake together.

For decades, personality psychologists have noticed a striking, consistent pattern: extroverts are happier more of the time than introverts. For anyone interested in promoting wellbeing, this has raised the question of whether it might be beneficial to encourage people to act more extroverted. Evidence to date has suggested it might.

For example, regardless of their usual disposition, people tend to report feeling happier and more authentic whenever they are behaving more like an extrovert (that is, more sociable, active and assertive). That’s a mere correlation that could be interpreted in different ways. But lab studies have similarly found that prompting people, including introverts, to act more like an extrovert makes them feel happier and truer to themselves.

Before we all start doing our best extrovert impressions in pursuit of greater happiness, though, a team of researchers led by the psychologist Rowan Jacques-Hamilton at the University of Melbourne urge caution, writing in a paper at PsyArXiv: ‘Until we have a well-rounded understanding of both the positive and negative consequences of extroverted behaviour, advocating any real-world applications of acting extroverted could be premature and potentially hazardous.’

To get to the bottom of things, the team conducted the first ever randomised controlled trial of an ‘act more extroverted’ intervention but, unlike previous research, they looked beyond the lab at the positive and negative effects on people’s feelings in daily life.

Dozens of participants were allocated at random to either the ‘act like an extrovert’ condition or to an ‘act unassuming, sensitive, calm and modest’ control condition; the idea was that this control condition would encourage the adoption of behaviours representative of several of the other main personality traits, such as agreeableness and emotional stability.

There was also a second control group that completed some of the same measures but did not follow any instructions to change their behaviour from what it naturally was.

The true aims of the study were concealed from the participants and they didn’t know about the conditions they weren’t in. For the extrovert and first control groups, their challenge was to follow the behavioural instructions they’d been given for seven days straight whenever interacting with others in their daily lives (though not if doing so would be inappropriate for the situation they were in).

The participants completed baseline and follow-up surveys about their feelings and behaviour. Through the seven-day period of the study they also answered in-the-moment psychological surveys six times a day whenever prompted by their smartphones. Their phones also gave them periodic reminders to alter their behaviour according to the experimental group they were in.

For the average participant, being in the ‘act like an extrovert’ condition was associated with more positive emotions (excited, lively and enthusiastic) than those reported in the calmer control group – both in the moment, and in retrospect, when looking back on the week. Compared with the second control condition, in which participants behaved naturally, benefit from extroverted behaviour was seen only retrospectively. On average, participants in the ‘act extroverted’ condition also felt greater momentary and retrospective authenticity. These benefits came without any adverse effects in terms of levels of tiredness or experience of negative emotion.

‘Thus,’ write the researchers, ‘the main effects of the intervention were wholly positive, and no costs of extroverted behaviour were detected for the average participant.’ The advantages were to a large extent mediated by participants acting more extroverted more often – though, interestingly, not by being in more social situations: ie, by changing the quality of their social interactions, not the quantity of them.

***

But the story does not end there, because the researchers also looked specifically at the introverts in their sample to see whether the apparently cost-free positive benefits of the ‘act extroverted’ intervention also manifested for them. Although previous research has suggested that both introverts and extroverts alike benefit just the same from acting more extroverted, this was not the case here.

First and unsurprisingly, introverts did not succeed in increasing their extroverted behaviour as much as other participants. And while the introverts in the ‘act like an extrovert’ condition did enjoy momentary gains in positive emotion, they did not report this benefit in retrospect at the end of the study. Unlike extroverts, they also did not show momentary gains in authenticity, and in retrospect they reported lower authenticity. The ‘act extroverted’ intervention also appeared to increase introverts’ retrospective fatigue levels and experience of negative emotions.

Jacques-Hamilton and his team said that these were perhaps their most important findings – ‘dispositional introverts may reap fewer wellbeing benefits, and perhaps even incur some wellbeing costs, from acting more extroverted’. They also made an important point that strong introverts might not desire to experience positive emotions as frequently as extroverts.

However, the idea that introverts could gain from learning to be more extroverted, more often, is not dead. Not only because this is just one study and more research is needed, but also because those acting more extroverted did, after all, still report more positive emotions in the moment than the control group asked to maintain calm. This group’s failure to report more pleasure in retrospect could, after all, reflect a memory bias – perhaps mirroring earlier research, which showed that introverts do not expect that acting extroverted would make them feel good.

Also consider this: the one-size-fits-all extroversion intervention provided little guidance on how exactly to achieve the aim of acting more extroverted. It’s possible that a less intense version, together with support and guidance to make any behavioural changes become habitual (and therefore less effortful), could help even strong introverts enjoy the benefits of acting more extroverted. ‘By allowing more freedom to return to an introverted “restorative niche”, a less intensive intervention might also result in fewer costs to negative affect, authenticity and tiredness,’ the researchers added.

By: Christian Jarrett

Christian Jarrett is a senior editor at Aeon, working on the forthcoming Psyche website that will take a multidisciplinary approach to the age-old question of how to live. A cognitive neuroscientist by training, his writing has appeared in BBC Future, WIRED and New York Magazine, among others. His books include The Rough Guide to Psychology (2011) and Great Myths of the Brain (2014). His next, on personality change, will be published in 2021.

Originally published in association with The British Psychological Society’s Research Digest, an Aeon Partner.

Source: Acting Like an Extrovert Has Benefits, but Not for Introverts – Aeon – Pocket

6.72M subscribers
How do introverts compare to extroverts? How are the two different? SUBSCRIBE TO US -► http://bit.ly/TheInfographicsShow ————————————————————————– WEBSITE (SUGGEST A TOPIC): http://theinfographicsshow.com SUPPORT US: Patreon…….► https://www.patreon.com/theinfographi… CHAT WITH ME: DISCORD…..►https://discord.gg/theinfographicsshow SOCIAL: Twitter……..► https://twitter.com/TheInfoShow Subreddit…► http://reddit.com/r/TheInfographicsShow ————————————————————————– Sources for this episode: https://pastebin.com/VaTTyfXh

Handshakes Could Be Banned At Work

1_Two-business-women-shaking-hands.jpg

Handshakes could be forbidden under new workplace rules to circumvent costly sexual harassment allegations, and every employer may ban all kinds of physical touch to avoid uncertainty about what sort of touching is suitable.

It comes off the back of the #MeToo movement, with bosses rethinking their strategies and heading to a more black and white attitude, and some employers may put a full embargo on physical touch, but is this going a tad too far, especially when shaking someone’s hand? But they might say just no contact at all because there is no grey area’s then.

And according to a recent poll of 2,000 adults on Totaljobs, three out of four were keen for a full physical contact prohibition when at work, and it was pointed out that gestures such as putting your hand on someone’s back or giving a reassuring embrace could all come under the umbrella of being too personal.

It will still plausibly be safe to shake hands at work, except if your employer forbids it, in which event you will have to obey the rules, but it’s not only how you comport yourself in the office which matters either. The workplace does extend outside the office as well, the perfect example is the Christmas night out and staff behaviour when going to functions.

But indeed, isn’t this getting to be a little absurd, next you’ll not be permitted to make hand contact when getting change from a cashier in shops, and a handshake is consensual, when somebody puts out their hand to shake it, you consent by shaking it back, but if they keep their hand by their side or behind their back and it’s grabbed and shook against their will, then this is clearly physical assault, which is already covered in the law, so obviously there’s no call for a handshake ban, which would be complete insanity.

If anything, handshaking is social, polite, appropriate and NORMAL.

Perhaps we should go and work in France where men and women, men and men and women and women kiss each other when meeting, an extension to shaking hands, I can’t see this being banned any day soon, but we shouldn’t say women because apparently that sexist, or men for that matter, but HUMAN has man in it, so don’t use that either.

Is there a point to being politically correct, especially when it dictates our everyday lives? And the cultural niceties of the past that assisted human interaction is being denounced, but for what outcome? Because in the end what it will bring us down to is an emotionless society that will be undoubtedly controlled by our socially correct leaders, and it’s about time these minority, sad individuals, who want to dictate to others how they run their lives, to in no uncertain terms to “sod off”.

So, welcome to the unfortunate death of social norms, and the courtesy of a band of senseless society inept imbeciles.

Source: Handshakes Could Be Banned At Work

Psychology Plus Family = A Thing – Savannah Esposito

1.jpg

The Importance of Psychology in Family Life

Part 1

Monkey See Monkey Do

Children repeat what they see. That is called Modeling Behavior in the psychology field. This is why I have stated that knowing your past and your childhood is essential for evaluating yourself and your own patterns.

Often times when a child is in an unstable environment (whether a parent is an alcoholic, neglectful, abusive, or an addict in general), either that child will vow to never become their parents (and are successful due to their own genetic & characteristic predispositions) or they end up repeating the patterns they grew up with and essentially become the unstable parent they witnessed growing up and falling into the same patterns (again, due to genetic or characteristic predispositions).

Fun fact: Genes can be essentially “turned on” or “turned off” by your environment (hence why I keep saying environment is important!). For example, if anyone knows the neuroscientist James Fallon, you will know he is a psychopath. Before you get scared, he is a non-violent psychopath. I wrote an extensive research paper on why some psychopaths end up being violent versus non-violent, and to make a long story short, James Fallon ended up in a very loving home.

His parents wanted a child so bad and it took so many years for them to have him that by the time he arrived he was loved by every family member and supported. He has the genes of a psychopath, but his environment enabled the violent gene to stay turned off.

Think about your own life and the things you witnessed growing up. This goes back to thinking about your family of origin and the patterns you saw your parents in. For instance, if your father was an alcoholic that beat your mother and you, then you might go into the opposite direction and never have a drink in your life and never lay a hand on another, or you may end up an alcoholic yourself and find that violence is the way you have learned to solve issues because of what you saw growing up.

Let’s Talk About Feelings

Emotions are so important to acknowledge. Sadly, given our societal gender stereotypes, often times, parents fall into the trap of making their daughter express their emotions, engage in play with Barbie’s, where as they tell their son to “suck it up” and play with trucks. In my Child Development class, we addressed the gender stereotypes and that one of the reasons men may struggle with their inner world of emotions is because they were never taught to express and identify their emotions.

Parents, please, please, do talk to your children about emotions. Not just feelings of being afraid, being angry, being sad, and being happy, but the other emotions within those categories.

Happy

  • Pleased
  • Delight
  • Elated
  • Euphoric
  • Excited
  • Energetic
  • Confident
  • Courageous

Sad

  • Despair
  • Somber
  • Gloomy
  • Forlorn
  • Grief
  • Depressed
  • Lonely

Afraid

  • Terrified
  • Alarmed
  • Worried
  • Timid
  • Insecure
  • Hostile

Anger

  • Furious
  • Enraged
  • Irritated
  • Annoyed
  • Irate
  • Offended

These are just some examples of getting into the many different emotions one can feel. Often times men, adult men (and some women), only know they are angry, sad, happy, or frustrated. Emotions are integral to emotional connection. Emotional connection is integral to a successful and happy marriage. If there is no emotional connection and the couple lives in two separate worlds and lives, that is not a happy marriage. Children watch, and children copy.

Empathy and Validation

Children need to be validated and empathized with. Often times, parents are invalidating without even being aware that they are invalidating. When a child comes up and says they feel sick, some parents may say, “It’s not that bad, you can go to school, don’t worry about it.” A more empathetic and validating response would be, “That must feel really bad. Being sick is never fun. Let me take your temperature to make sure you don’t have a fever and let’s see what we can do to help you feel more comfortable.”

Even in adulthood, if we have been around invalidating people growing up, we tend to fall into that trap of, “move on,” “get over it,” “it’s not that bad,” or “you’ll get over it, don’t worry” as a response to another person’s pain and distress.

When in relationships and marriage, empathy and validation are crucial to feeling emotionally safe with your partner. If you are not the most empathetic or validating person, that is something you can easily work on with your partner, especially if that is something they are strong in.

Parents Hidden Influence on Your Marriage

I have talked a lot about your childhood and your parents, and there is a reason for that. It’s because your parents are crucial in romantic relationships. We’ve talked about how they can influence you, and it’s important to be aware of.

For example, my mother is very independent, career oriented, and artsy. My father is very logical, intellectual and intelligent, and responsible. I have found that I myself follow in their footsteps in regard to wanting to focus on my career, valuing intellectuality and intelligence over other characteristics, and I am a highly responsible person that tends to clash with others who are more, “go with the flow” types.

I’ve also noticed that the way my parents interacted has impacted the way I interact with my husband. My mother used to leave the room if an argument got too much. I realize I do that in my own marriage because that is what I saw growing up. I’ve noticed that I expect romance from my husband because I saw my father be romantic with my mother (bringing her flowers home, writing her love letters, presents on Valentine’s Day, surprise dates and vacations, etc.).

Think about your own parents and how their behaviors might influence the way you are, act, and expect things to go in life. I’ll bet there are some things you’re going to think, “Crap, I’m my mom” or “crap, I’m my dad.” It’s not a bad thing, especially once it’s in your awareness. Once awareness occurs, improvements can be made, compromises can be agreed upon, and the correct changes can come to fruition.

Your kindly Donations would be so effective in order to fulfill our future research and endeavors – Thank you
https://www.paypal.me/ahamidian

%d bloggers like this: