Stop Thinking Quitting Is A Bad Thing

You have to stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing. You aren’t built to stay in the same place forever.

If your relationship or your career or your friendships have stopped challenging you, stopped encouraging your growth, stopped bringing you happiness, then you should move onto bigger and better things.

You don’t have to continue down the same path you started forging years ago. You’re allowed to diverge at any point. You’re allowed to decide it’s time to do something differently.

You have to remember that quitting isn’t always a negative. It doesn’t mean you’re taking a step back. It might mean you’re taking a step forward — or a step sideways.

You shouldn’t resist change simply because you’re scared of what the unknown might bring. You shouldn’t assume the best move is to continue chugging ahead, even though you’ve been miserable, even though you cannot picture things getting any better if they keep going the way they’ve been going.

Quitting is not always a sign of failure. Sometimes, it’s your best option. Sometimes, it’s going to lead to the best results.

If you’re in a toxic relationship, you shouldn’t waste your energy fighting for their love. You should call it quits. You should stop trying to make things work. You should stop giving them a million chances. You should stop assuming it’s better to stay together than it is to split apart.

It’s the same with your career. If you’re in a line of work that is draining you, that is making you miserable, that isn’t giving you any sort of satisfaction, then you should think about quitting. You should think about taking your talents elsewhere. You should think about whether there is somewhere else you could land that would make you feel more productive, more fulfilled, more appreciated.

Stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing because sometimes you have to walk away from your current situation. Sometimes you have to start from scratch. Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that you’re heading in the wrong direction and need to regroup.

Even though it’s easier to repeat the routines you’ve already grown used to repeating, you have to remember you’re allowed to leave at any time. You don’t owe anyone anything.

It’s dangerous to stay in an uncomfortable situation out of obligation. You aren’t required to stay in a relationship because of your history. You aren’t required to stay at a job because of the hours you already put into it. You aren’t required to give anyone your time, your energy, or your effort — and you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.

You’re allowed to quit because you’re stressed about your current situation. You’re allowed to quit because you’ve grown bored. You’re allowed to quit because you believe another direction would grant you more peace and excitement and self-love. You’re allowed to quit if you want to quit.

You have to stop thinking of quitting as a bad thing. If it helps, call it moving on instead.

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By: Holly Riordan

 

 

 

Source: Stop Thinking Quitting Is A Bad Thing

Researchers turn to newlywed couples to unravel questions about the chemistry of empathy and bonding

Love can make us do crazy things. It often prompts us to behave in counterintuitive ways, like, for example, placing the wellbeing of our loved ones above our own. But why? Such has perplexed and intrigued scientists for centuries. A new study out of UC Santa Barbara explores how an individual’s genetics and brain activity correlate with altruistic behaviors directed toward romantic partners.

Source: Researchers turn to newlywed couples to unravel questions about the chemistry of empathy and bonding

How To Get Over a Breakup, According to Science – Andrew Gregory

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The aftermath of a breakup can be devastating. Most people emerge from it intact, but research has shown that the end of a romantic relationship can lead to insomnia, intrusive thoughts and even reduced immune function. While in the throes of a breakup, even the most motivated people can have a difficult time determining how best to get on with their lives.

Now, in a small new study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, researchers tested a variety of cognitive strategies and found one that worked the best for helping people get over a breakup.

The researchers gathered a group of 24 heartbroken people, ages 20-37, who had been in a long-term relationship for an average of 2.5 years. Some had been dumped, while others had ended their relationship, but all were upset about it—and most still loved their exes. In a series of prompts, they were coached using three cognitive strategies intended to help them move on.

The first strategy was to negatively reappraise their ex. The person was asked to mull over the unfavorable aspects of their lover, like a particularly annoying habit. By highlighting the ex’s negative traits, the idea goes, the blow will be softened.

In another prompt, called love reappraisal, people were told to read and believe statements of acceptance, like “It’s ok to love someone I’m not longer with.” Instead of fighting how they feel, they were told to accept their feelings of love as perfectly normal without judgment.

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The third strategy was distraction: to think about positive things unrelated to the ex, like a favorite food. Just as distracting oneself can help reduce cravings, it may also help a person overcome the persistent thoughts that come with a breakup.

A fourth prompt—the control condition—didn’t ask them to think about anything in particular. Next, the researchers showed everyone a photo of their ex—a realistic touch, since these often pop up in real life on social media. They measured the intensity of emotion in response to the photo using electrodes placed on the posterior of the scalp.

The EEG reading of the late positive potential (LPP) is a measure of not only emotion but motivated attention, or to what degree the person is captivated by the photo. In addition, the researchers measured how positive or negative the people felt and how much love they felt for the ex using a scale and questionnaire.

According to the EEG readings, all three strategies significantly decreased people’s emotional response to the photos relative to their responses in the control trials, which didn’t use prompts. However, only people who looked at their lover in a negative light also had a decrease in feelings of love toward their ex. But these people also reported being in a worse mood than when they started—suggesting that these negative thoughts, although helpful for moving on, may be distressing in the short term.

Distraction, on the other hand, made people feel better overall, but had no effect on how much they still loved their ex-partner. “Distraction is a form of avoidance, which has been shown to reduce the recovery from a breakup,” says study co-author Sandra Langeslag, director of the Neurocognition of Emotion and Motivation Lab at the University of Missouri–St. Louis, so the strategy should be used sparingly to boost mood in the short term.

Love reappraisal showed no effect on either love or mood, but still dulled the emotional response to the photo. The authors classify love for another person as a learned motivation, similar to thirst or hunger, that pushes a person toward their partner in thought and in behavior.

That can in turn elicit different emotions based on the situation. When love is reciprocated, one can feel joy, or, in the case of a breakup, persistent love feelings are associated with sadness and difficulty recovering an independent sense of self.

Classifying love as a motivation is controversial in the field; other experts believe that love is an emotion, like anger, or a script, like riding a bike. However, the endurance of love feelings (which last much longer than a typical bout of anger or joy), the complexity of these feelings (both positive and negative) and the intensity of infatuation all signal a motivation, the authors write.

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To get over a breakup, heartbroken people change their way of thinking, which takes time. Just as it can be challenging to fight other motivations like food or drug cravings, “love regulation doesn’t work like an on/off switch,” Langeslag says. “To make a lasting change, you’ll probably have to regulate your love feelings regularly,” because the effects likely wear off after a short time.

Writing a list of as many negative things about your ex as you can think of once a day until you feel better may be effective, she says. Though this exercise tends to make people feel worse, Langeslag says that this effect goes away. Her past research found that negative reappraisal also decreased infatuation and attachment to the ex, so it will make you feel better in the long run, she says.

The findings are particularly relevant in the age of social media, when photos of exes, and the resulting pangs of love, may come up frequently. “All three strategies may make it easier for people to deal with encounters and reminders of the ex-partner in real-life and on social media,” Langeslag says.

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When He Tells You That You Deserve Better, You Deserve To Believe Him

@_saraheiseman_When he is already aware of what you want, need, or deserve in the relationship and he doesn’t feel he can give it to you, do not hope that he decides to step up and do those things for you. If he wanted to be that person, he would be doing it on his own,…

via When He Tells You That You Deserve Better, You Deserve To Believe Him — Thought Catalog

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