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6 Unexpected Habits of the Most Confident People

Here’s something you know. Being self-confident improves odds of success, whether you’re a leader wanting to lead confidently, an entrepreneur, or someone just trying to learn how to deal with criticism. And you know the obvious ways to become more confident such as living with a sense of purpose and leveraging your strengths.

Now for the less obvious, unexpected ways that the most confident people become that way. I encourage you to tap into these unexpected, even counterintuitive hidden gems to shine more confidently from within.

1. Don’t start with self-confidence, start with self-compassion.

Believe it or not, to start feeling more self-confident, don’t start with trying to feel more self-confident. Start by focusing on feeling compassionate towards yourself. Forgive yourself when you make a mistake, remind yourself that you’re not perfect, allow yourself a learning curve and don’t expect to be an overnight sensation in everything you do.

Here’s the good news, research from the University of Texas, Austin shows that focusing first and foremost on self-compassion will lead to more consistent confidence, because you have a built-in mechanism to keep from spiraling downward in moments you catch yourself beating yourself up. To practice self-compassion, talk to yourself like you would a friend in need in those moments.

2. Insist that you’re not good enough.

Wait, huh? Isn’t self-confidence about insisting the opposite of this? It’s about the spirit and intent behind this insistence. For example, when you’re facing a tall task, cheerily remind yourself that you’re probably not good enough to do the task to your absolute best ability by going it completely alone –no one is. In other words, it’s a self-reminder that it’s OK to ask for help.

Highly self-confident people view asking for help as an opportunity to go from good to great. You should too. Research from Harvard and University of Pennsylvania even shows that asking for help makes you look good in the eyes of others which can further boost your self-confidence.

3. Be egotistical (at times).

Standard advice is to be confident without being egotistical, otherwise it backfires and that whole self-confidence thing begins to unravel. But actually, you should leverage your ego specifically to pump yourself up here and there with self-affirmations. Remind yourself of what you’re good at, that you’ve done it before, or that you’ve come so far already.

2013 research published in the psychology journal PLOS indicates that engaging in self-affirmations even improves problem solving under stress because you aren’t thrown off your game as easily and don’t let negativity add to the difficulty at hand.

4. Celebrate self-doubt.

Hold on, don’t confident people cast self-doubt aside? Not necessarily. In fact, they embrace it. The highly self-confident don’t wait until they feel 100 percent confident before proceeding, knowing that the simple act of doing will make them feel more confident over the long run. Think about it. After you try something difficult, even if you don’t 100 percent succeed, aren’t you going to be more confident the next time for having the experience under your belt?

A seminal, 2010 study in sports psychology even showed that a little self-doubt can improve performance, because it helps athletes maintain an edge.

5. Be stubborn when it counts most.

We’re told to stay flexible-minded because confidence flows from knowing you can bend and mold to what the moment requires. Except when it comes to preparing for that big, challenging event. Then it’s time for stubbornly sticking to rituals you’ve created. Harvard research shows that sticking to preparation rituals make you calmer when the moment to perform arrives.

I’ve found this to be true in preparing for any keynote I give. I have a ritual of rehearsing a keynote, no matter how many times I’ve given it, twice two days before and on the day before, and once the morning of. It gives me great comfort in knowing I’m prepared, and helps me to perform at my best.

6. Make comparisons (but do draw the line).

I often write about the importance of understanding that the only comparison that matters is to who you were yesterday. I’d like to amend that a bit to acknowledge that comparing to someone who has achieved what you want to can be helpful for goal setting. But stop there, because carrying on with the comparisons is more dangerous than meets the eye.

2018 research from Oakland University proved it’s a vicious cycle; when you compare to others you experience envy, the more envy you experience the worse you feel about yourself and thus the lower your self-confidence.

So pulling from the unexpected means you can expect to pull your self-confidence up. Better get started –greater success awaits.

 

 Scott Mautz Keynote speaker and author, ‘Find the Fire’ and ‘Make It Matter’

Source: 6 Unexpected Habits of the Most Confident People

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Growth Mindset is a Habit You Want

In Carol Dweck’s famous study on growth mindset, Dweck taught high school students about brain plasticity and about how the characteristics of intelligence are not fixed. The idea was to convince students that they had control over improving their academic ability. Years later, these students scored higher on standardized tests.

It’s tempting to think of the Dweck study as a near instant fix. You teach students, or yourself, the details of growth mindset. This takes about an hour. And then afterward your performance magically improves.

Although Dweck’s study has been supported by future studies, for example this one, I suspect there is a crucial missing element to the story. What behaviors did the students change after the lesson? Knowing this is the key to understanding how you can improve your own life.


My story is about my mom, now a retired 3rd grade teacher. She took that same concept of teaching growth mindset and reworked it for 3rd graders. The reworked lesson plan came down to three YouTube videos. I’ll share those below and then share what happened in the class room after the lesson was over. In my observations of my mom’s classroom, all of the magic was in the behaviors that the students built afterward. In other words, it’s not knowledge that transformed the students, it was new habits.


#1. Success Is Not an Accident

First, my mom inspired her class with someone who embodies self-improvement. Steph Curry came into the NBA too short, too small, and too slow to be a star. Now he’s an MVP and World Champion. And it was all because of his practice habits.

I don’t think you need to be a third grader to be inspired by this.


#2. Your Brain Changes!

Then she threw a two minute video on neuroplasticity at the class.

This is a classic self-improvement tactic — practically all self-improvement books are written to start with an inspirational story and then to immediately pivot into an explanation of why anyone could achieve the same thing.

So my mom was hitting her kids with Curry for inspiration and then brain science for plausibility.

Here’s where I’m hoping you are finding your own future growth plausible: your brain can change. That’s what brain plasticity is. So no matter how bad you are at something right now, you can change that so that future you becomes very good at it. That’s basically what the concept of Growth Mindset is about.


#3. The Power of Yet

After the first two videos, my mom’s class was sold on growth mindset, but they didn’t know how to put it into practice.

Thankfully, Jannelle Monet was a guest on Sesame Street and gave the simplest behavioral pattern for practicing growth mindset: use the word Yet.

The Growth Mindset Habit

The three videos above are not enough to change a child’s life. They have to be followed up by a change in behavior.

That’s the entire misunderstanding with Carol Dweck’s study. The focus is on the initial lecture, not the follow on behavior.

One of my mom’s strengths as a teacher was that she brought a consistency to classroom management. And one of the changes she made to her classroom was that she started insisting that the class adopt the word yet.

Every time a kid says yet, they are representing that they are open to learning something new.

The lesson that my mom put together was the launchpad for a new habit. And that new habit was then reinforced hundreds of times over the school year.

You can’t A/B test my mother because she is retired. But I can share that her kids had one of the highest test score improvements of any class in her district.

Regardless of the merits of standardized testing, something about her teaching that year worked especially well. And anecdotally, that something revolved around the word Yet.

And for that reason, the word Yet has become a big part of my own self-talk. I hope you adopt it too.

Coach Tony By: Coach Tony

 

Source: Growth Mindset is a Habit You Want – Better Humans – Medium

Watch, learn and connect:

https://stanfordconnects.stanford.edu/

Should you tell your kids they are smart or talented? Professor Carol Dweck answers this question and more, as she talks about her groundbreaking work on developing mindsets.

How To Stop Taking Things Personally – Frances Bridges

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When people disrespect you or do not treat you well, it is easy to take their behavior personally, to blame yourself and think you have anything to do with someone else’s behavior. Taking things personally is emotionally draining, and an unnecessary, constant reevaluation of your self-esteem. There’s a difference between being reflective and constantly taking slights personally, one is productive and lends itself to self improvement, the other is the opposite…….

Read more: https://www.forbes.com/sites/francesbridges/2018/06/29/how-to-stop-taking-things-personally/#60a056b76726

 

 

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Practicing Self-Compassion for Mental Health – Zana Wellness

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Instead thinking about a bad argument with a loved one, an emotional breakdown at work, the lady who frustrated you at the grocery store for walking slow, focus on what it was you NEEDED at that time. If you were arguing with a loved one, was it because you dislike them OR because at that time you needed to be heard? And that lady at the grocery store, was she walking slow to piss you off or is it that you needed to be seen? Shifting your perspective about certain incidents …….

Read more: https://zanawellness.com/2018/09/10/practicing-self-compassion-for-mental-health/

 

 

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