Are You Suffering From Social-Media-Induced Loneliness?

Social media’s biggest draw is that it allows us to connect with each other, so why does it make us ... [+] getty

Many people come to therapy when they are struggling with loneliness. They ask questions like:

  • “Why do I feel lonelier now than ever before, despite being more connected online?”
  • “How can I make meaningful connections with others when everything is done online?”
  • “Why do I feel like social media is causing me to tunnel into a dark, lonely hole?”

If you think about questions like these, you’ll be relieved to know that it’s not just you.

What you are experiencing is an increasingly common phenomenon that is well-documented in scientific research. For instance, one study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that today’s teenagers spend approximately an hour less per day socializing with their peers compared to teenagers who grew up in the 1980s and 1990s. Moreover, according to the study, adolescents who reported fewer in-person social interactions and more online interactions felt most lonely and isolated.

Social media can create a false sense of connection and belonging. Online interactions lack the nonverbal cues, physical presence, and emotional intimacy that are crucial to building and maintaining meaningful relationships.

Social media can also lead to feelings of social comparison and inadequacy, as well as feelings of isolation due to constant FOMO (fear of missing out).

But there is hope. Here are some science-backed strategies to help you address and overcome feelings of loneliness stemming from too much social media.

#1. Limit your social media use

Yes, it’s easier said than done. But the benefits of timing and restricting your social media usage can be huge. Research published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology found that limiting people’s time on social apps like Facebook and Snapchat to 10 minutes per day significantly reduced feelings of loneliness and depression. The sweet spot, according to the researchers, may be about 30 minutes or less per day.

By setting boundaries with technology, we can focus on developing face-to-face interactions and building real connections. Social media is designed to be addictive, so there is no shame in seeking the help of a mental health practitioner to reduce your dependence on it.

A therapist might suggest creating a schedule to limit social media usage, setting specific times of the day to check and engage with social media, and finding alternative activities to fill the time that you would have spent on social media.

While this can seem challenging at first, with the right mindset and strategies, you can develop a healthy relationship with social media and reduce your feelings of loneliness.

#2. Choose authenticity over social validation

The constant need to present a perfect image on social media can lead to a phenomenon known as ‘social surveillance,’ where users not only carefully curate their own posts, but also closely monitor the content posted by others on their profiles and pages. This can be detrimental to one’s mental health, as it encourages individuals to chase after societal norms and popularity rather than being true to themselves.

A recent study published in the Journal of Psychology found that this dynamic can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, as users often find themselves questioning whether their actions will be accepted or rejected by their peers before posting something on social media.

It’s also important to realize that any validation you may receive on an inauthentic version of yourself will ultimately feel hollow and fake. If true human connection is what you value, try to attract people who like you for you by showing the world what you truly care about.

Remember, social media is just a tool to connect you with others. It is not the endgame. Focus on building real-world connections through your online presence and your loneliness will improve.

Loneliness is a difficult and painful experience. But, if you can trace its cause to social media, you’re already halfway to fixing the problem.

By limiting your social media use, being authentic online, and seeking out face-to-face interactions, you can learn to address the causes of your social-media-induced loneliness and build the real connections you need to feel less alone.

Mark Travers, Ph.D., is an American psychologist with degrees from Cornell University and the University of Colorado Boulder. He is the lead psychologist at Awake Therapy,

Source: Are You Suffering From Social-Media-Induced Loneliness?

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Scientists Found A Way to Predict Your Death By How You Walk

Photo Illustration by The Daily Beast / Getty

Source: Scientists Found a Way to Predict Your Death by How You Walk

.

Critics by Nature.com

Predicting all-cause mortality risk is challenging and requires extensive medical data. Recently, large-scale proteomics datasets have proven useful for predicting health-related outcomes. Here, we use measurements of levels of 4,684 plasma proteins in 22,913 Icelanders to develop all-cause mortality predictors both for short- and long-term risk. The participants were 18-101 years old with a mean follow up of 13.7 (sd. 4.7) years. During the study period, 7,061 participants died.

Our proposed predictor outperformed, in survival prediction, a predictor based on conventional mortality risk factors. We could identify the 5% at highest risk in a group of 60-80 years old, where 88% died within ten years and 5% at the lowest risk where only 1% died. Furthermore, the predicted risk of death correlates with measures of frailty in an independent dataset. Our results show that the plasma proteome can be used to assess general health and estimate the risk of death.

The ability to predict when someone will die is not something you would wish upon yourself or your friends. It could, however, prove useful in the delivery of healthcare and biomedical research. It is often possible to give a meaningful prediction of how long individuals with specific diagnoses will live1, but predicting when an individual will die from any cause is altogether a different matter.

Several diseases, lifestyle2,3,4, social and psychological factors5 associate with all-cause mortality. Commonly used risk factors for all-cause mortality are age, sex, traditional cardiovascular risk factors such as systolic blood pressure, cholesterol levels, smoking, and diabetes, cardiovascular disease, cancer, alcohol consumption, body mass index (BMI), and creatinine levels6,7,8. Among other biomarkers of all-cause mortality are brain age estimated from structural magnetic resonance images9, DNA methylation10, and telomere length11.

Recently, circulating metabolic biomarkers have been found to associate with the risk of all-cause mortality. In a study of 44,168 individuals, where 5512 died during follow-up, 14 metabolic biomarkers were found to improve 5 and 10-year all-cause mortality predictions over conventional risk factors8. Another study of 17,345 participants identified 106 metabolic biomarkers that improved short-term all-cause mortality risk prediction over established risk factors7.

In a study of 3523 participants from the Framingham Heart Study, 38 of 85 preselected circulating protein biomarkers associated with all-cause mortality and improved all-cause mortality prediction over cardiovascular risk factors12. Similarly, 56 peptides (31 proteins) correlated with 5-year mortality in a study of 2473 older men. A panel of those peptides improved the predictive value of a commonly used clinical predictor of mortality.

With the advent of new technology such as SOMAmers14 or proximity extension assays15, it is possible to simultaneously measure levels of thousands of proteins efficiently. Several studies using this technology have shown the plasma proteome to be heavily associated with age and life span16,17,18,19,20. A study of 997 participants associated 651 out of 1301 proteins with age, found that a 76-protein proteomic age signature associated with all-cause mortality independent of chronological age, and created a seven-protein mortality predictor18.

In a study of 1025 older adults, 754 of 4265 proteins were associated with age. A proteomic age model using the age-associated proteins predicted mortality better than chronological age19. Another study of 4263 participants measured 2925 proteins to evaluate how circulating protein profile changes over the life span20. Some studies have used large proteomics datasets to predict other health-related factors. A protein-based risk score for cardiovascular outcomes in a high-risk group was developed using 1130 candidate plasma proteins21.

In addition, ~5000 plasma proteins were used to predict health states, behavior, and incident diseases, with performance comparable to traditional risk factors, in 16,894 participants22. These studies underscore the value of using plasma levels of a large number of proteins to search for biomarkers in health and diseases..…To be continued….

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A Psychologist Shares The 7 Signs of A Narcissistic Parent: ‘It’s a Toxic Way To Raise Your Kids’

Anastasiia Makarevich | Getty

Good parenting requires empathy, compassion and the willingness to make some of your needs secondary — essentially, many of the traits that you wouldn’t find in a narcissist. But as a psychologist who studies the impacts of narcissism in family relationships, I’ve noticed that many narcissist traits, such as grandiosity, superiority and entitlement, are on the rise.

Narcissistic parenting isn’t about bragging on social media or forcing rigorous extracurricular activities on your kids. It goes a lot deeper, and it’s one of the most toxic ways to raise your kids. Narcissistic parents have a hard time allowing their kids to become their own person, or have their own needs met.

You might know a narcissistic parent and not realize it. Here are the common signs:

1. They see their child as a source of validation.

Narcissists will often loudly flaunt their children when they score the winning goal or get the big part in the school play. You might see them constantly bragging online or bringing up their child’s beauty or talent in conversation.

Unless something involves their child’s achievements, the parent is checked out, detached and disinterested in their child. They generally shame their child’s need for connection or validation, and instead see them as a tool to fulfill those needs for themselves.

2. They are emotionally reactive, but shame their child’s emotions.

Narcissists are often angry and aggressive when they feel disappointed or frustrated. If they believe their child is being critical or defiant, they can lash out. These reactions can manifest as screaming, sudden bouts of rage or, in more severe cases, physical violence.

Meanwhile, the emotions of others can make narcissistic people uncomfortable and they may have contempt for them. They may shame their child into not sharing their emotions at all with phrases like, “Get over yourself, it wasn’t that big of a deal,” or, “Stop crying and toughen up.”

3. They always put their own needs first.

Sometimes adults need to put real-world issues first — maybe a late shift can’t be avoided or chores will take up an entire afternoon. But narcissistic parents expect their children to make sacrifices so that they can do or have whatever they want.

For example, if the parent likes sailing, then their children must go sailing every weekend. Or if the parent has a standing tennis game, then the parent will never miss it, even for something important like a graduation ceremony.

4. They have poor boundaries.

Narcissistic parents can be quite intrusive. When they don’t feel like it, they won’t interact with the child. But when they want the child to validate them, they may feel they can interrupt their child’s and ask them to do whatever they want to do.

They may ask probing questions or be critical of their child in a way that feels intrusive as well, such as commenting on weight, appearance or other attributes that leave the child feeling self-conscious.

5. They play favorites.

Narcissistic parents maintain their power by triangulating, or playing favorites. They may have a golden child who they compliment excessively, for example, while speaking badly about another child in the family.

This can make children feel uncomfortable, disloyal and psychologically unsafe. They may believe that they need to go along with or impress the narcissistic parent to avoid their wrath and maintain good standing in the family unit.

6. They shift blame onto their children.

Narcissists have the need to feel perfect, so they shirk responsibilities for their own missteps and blame their children. They can be cruel when they feel criticized, and their comments often sting.

Common refrains from narcissistic parents might be something like, “It’s your fault that I am so tired,” or, “I could have had a great career if I didn’t have to deal with you.”

Over time, children of narcissistic parents internalize these comments and begin to self-blame, believing: “When I have needs, I make everyone else feel or perform worse.’

7. They expect the child to be the caregiver.

At a relatively young age, the message from a narcissistic parent is that their child has to take care of them.

This often extends well into adulthood, where the narcissistic parent can be quite manipulative. A common line might be, “I fed and clothed you, so now you owe me.” Many narcissists expect their children to provide care and support later in life.How to change narcissistic parenting tendencies

If you find yourself relating to any of the traits above, don’t worry. We all have a certain level of self-involvement. However, there are several strategies you can use to change your mindset and habits.

First, don’t gaslight your child. If they say, “You’re always angry at me,” don’t say, “That’s not the case.” This will only confuse them further. Instead, meet the child with empathy: “I am so sorry. Do you want to talk about it? How are you feeling?”

Another strategy is to avoid forced forgiveness. Forced forgiveness benefits the parent by pushing their bad behavior under the rug but only fosters self-blame and confusion in the child. Let the child have their experience.

Lastly, consider therapy; it’s one of the best places to explore your parenting attitudes and tendencies.

By: Ramani Durvasula

Ramani Durvasula is a psychologist, professor of psychology at California State University, Los Angeles, and founder of LUNA Education. She is also the author of “Don’t You Know Who I Am: How to Stay Sane in the Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility″ and “Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving a Relationship With a Narcissist.” Follow her on Twitter @DoctorRamani.

Source: A psychologist shares the 7 signs of a narcissistic parent: ‘It’s a toxic way to raise your kids’

Critics by Perri Klass

We all want to be the best parents we can be for our children, but there is often conflicting advice on how to raise a kid who is confident, kind and successful. And every aspect of being a parent has been more complicated and more fraught during the pandemic, with parents managing complex new assignments and anxious new decisions, all while handling the regular questions that come up in daily life with the children we love.

Throughout the circus act of parenting, it’s important to focus on balancing priorities, juggling responsibilities and quickly flipping between the needs of your children, other family members and yourself. Modern parents have the entire internet at their disposal and don’t follow any single authority. It’s hard to know whom or what to trust. Here, we’ll talk about how to help your child grow up to be a person you really like without losing yourself in the process.  

Your Parenting Style

Good news: There is no one right way to raise a child. Research tells us that to raise a self-reliant child with high self-esteem, it is more effective to be authoritative than authoritarian. You want your child to listen, respect and trust you rather than fear you. You want to be supportive, but not a hovering, helicopter parent. 

All of these things are easy to set as goals, but hard to achieve. How do you find the right balance? 

As your child develops, the challenges will change, and your thinking may evolve, but your approach should be consistent, firm and loving. Help your child learn through experience that making an effort builds confidence and helps you learn to tackle challenges. Calibrate your expectations about what your child is capable of doing independently, whether you have an infant learning to sleep through the night, a toddler helping to put toys away, or an older child resolving conflicts. Remember, there is no one right way to raise a child. Do your best, trust yourself and enjoy the company of the small person in your life.

How to Put a Baby to Sleep

Right from the beginning, babies vary tremendously in their sleep patterns. And parents, too, vary in terms of how they cope with interrupted nights. 

There are two general schools of thought around babies and sleep after those early months when they need nighttime feedings  — soothe the baby to sleep or don’t — and many parents find themselves wavering back and forth. Those who believe in sleep training, including many sleep experts, would argue that in helping babies learn to fall asleep by themselves and soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake during the night, parents are helping them master vital skills for comfort and independence.

Two techniques for this are:

  • Graduated extinction, in which babies are allowed to cry for short, prescribed intervals over the course of several nights.
  • Bedtime fading, in which parents delay bedtime in 15-minute increments so the child becomes more and more tired. 

And many parents report that these strategies improve their children’s sleep patterns, as well as their own. But there are also parents who find the idea of letting a baby cry at night unduly harsh.

Whatever you try, remember, some babies, no matter what you do, are not reliably good sleepers. Parents need to be aware of what sleep deprivation may be doing to them, to their level of functioning, and to their relationships, and take their own sleep needs seriously as well. So, ask for help when you need it, from your pediatrician or a trusted friend or family member.  

Bedtime

For older children, the rules around sleep are clearer: Turn off devices, read aloud at bedtime, and build rituals that help small children wind down and fall asleep. Establishing regular bedtime routines and consistent sleep patterns will be even more important as children grow older and are expected to be awake and alert during school hours; getting enough sleep on a regular basis and coming to school well-rested will help grade-school children’s academic performance and their social behavior as well.

Keeping screens out of the bedroom (and turned off during the hours before bed) becomes more and more important as children grow — and it’s not a bad habit for adults, either.  Even when education went remote during the pandemic, keeping children’s sleep schedules regular helped them stay on course. 

As your child hits adolescence, her body clock will shift so that she is “programmed” to stay up later and sleep later, often just as schools are demanding early starts. Again, good family “sleep hygiene,” especially around screens at bedtime, in the bedroom, and even in the bed, can help teenagers disconnect and get the sleep they need. By taking sleep seriously, as a vital component of health and happiness, parents are sending an important message to children at every age.

How to Feed Your Child

There’s nothing more basic to parenting than the act of feeding your child. But even while breast-feeding, there are decisions to be made. (Yes, breast-feeding mothers should eat spicy food if they like it. No, they shouldn’t respond to all infant distress by nursing.) Pediatricians currently recommend exclusive breast-feeding for the first six months, and then continuing to breast-feed as you introduce a range of solid foods. Breast-feeding mothers deserve support and consideration in society in general and in the workplace in particular, and they don’t always get it. And conversely, mothers are sometimes made to feel inadequate if breast-feeding is difficult, or if they can’t live up to those recommendations.  

You have to do what works for you and your family, and if exclusive breast-feeding doesn’t, any amount that you can do is good for your baby. As children grow, the choices and decisions multiply; that first year of eating solid foods, from 6 to 18 months, can actually be a great time to give children a range of foods to taste and try, and by offering repeated tastes, you may find that children expand their ranges

Small children vary tremendously in how they eat; some are voracious and omnivorous, and others are highly picky and can be very difficult to feed. Let her feed herself as soon as and as much as possible; by “playing” with her food she’ll learn about texture, taste and independence. Build in the social aspects of eating from the beginning, so that children grow up thinking of food in the context of family time, and watching other family members eat a variety of healthy foods, while talking and spending time together. (Children should not be eating while looking at screens.)

Parents worry about picky eaters, and of course about children who eat too much and gain weight too fast; you want to help your child eat a  variety of real foods, rather than processed snacks, to eat at  mealtimes and snacktimes, rather than constant “grazing,” or “sipping,” and to eat to satisfy hunger, rather than experiencing food as either a reward or a punishment.

Don’t cook special meals for a picky child, but don’t make a regular battlefield out of mealtime. 

Some tips to try:

  • Talk with small children about “eating the rainbow,” and getting lots of different colors onto their plates (orange squash, red peppers, yellow corn, green anything, and so on).
  • Take them to the grocery store or the farmer’s market and let them pick out something new they’d like to try.
  • Let them help prepare food.
  • Be open to deploying the foods they enjoy in new ways (peanut butter on almost anything, tomato sauce on spinach).  
  • Some children will eat almost anything if it’s in a dumpling, or on top of pasta.  
  • Offer tastes of what everyone else is eating. 
  • Find some reliable fallback alternatives when your child won’t eat anything that’s offered. (Many restaurants will prepare something simple off the menu for a child, such as plain pasta or rice.)

Above all, encourage your child to keep tasting; don’t rule anything out after just a couple of tries. And if you do have a child who loves one particular green vegetable, it’s fine to have that one turn up over and over again.

Bottom line: As long as a child is growing, don’t agonize too much.

Family meals matter to older children as well, even as they experience the biological shifts of adolescent growth. Keep that social context for food as much as you can, even through the scheduling complexities of middle school and high school. Keep the family table a no-screen zone, and keep on talking and eating together. Some families found that the pandemic meant more opportunities for family meals, which helped them through the hard times, but if the stresses of the recent past have pushed your family toward more snacking and more fast food, know that you are not alone. It will always help to re-set as a family, to stock healthy foods in the house, and to eat together and connect over food. 

Small children are essentially uncivilized, and part of the job of parenting inevitably involves a certain amount of correctional work. With toddlers, you need to be patient and consistent, which is another way of saying you will need to express and enforce the same rules over and over and over again. “Time outs” work very effectively with some children, and parents should watch for those moments when they (the parents) may need them as well.

Seriously, take a breather when you are feeling as out of control as your child is acting. Many parents have been under extraordinary stress during the pandemic; be sure you are taking care of yourself, and get help if you need it. Distraction is another good technique; you don’t have to win a moral victory every time a small child misbehaves if you can redirect the behavior and avoid the battle. The overall disciplinary message to young children is the message that you don’t like the behavior, but you do love the child.

Think praise rather than punishment. Physical discipline, like hitting and spanking, tends to produce aggressive behavior in children. Keep in mind that it’s always a parental win if you can structure a situation so that a child is earning privileges (screentime, for example) by good behavior, rather than losing them as a penalty. Search for positive behaviors to praise and reward, and young children will want to repeat the experience. But inevitably, parenthood involves a certain number of “bad cop” moments, when you have to say no or stop and your child will be angry at you — and that’s fine, it goes with the territory. Look in the mirror and practice saying what parents have always said: “I’m your mother/father, I’m not your friend.” 

As parents, we should be trying to regulate our children’s behavior — or to help them regulate their own — and not trying to legislate their thoughts: 

  • It is OK to dislike your brother or your classmate, but not to hit him. 
  • It is OK to feel angry or frustrated, as long as you behave properly. 

Our “civilizing” job as parents may be easier, in fact, if we acknowledge the strength of those difficult emotions, and celebrate the child who achieves control. And take advantage of the opportunity to demonstrate what you do when you have lost control or behaved badly: Offer a sincere parental apology.

It’s also worth recognizing that we have all been living through extraordinary times, and that a child who is, for example, angry or frustrated because activities have been canceled, or interrupted, should not feel bad about expressing those emotions. Even young children can understand that what’s “wrong” or “bad” is the pandemic – not the child’s feelings.

Parenting in the Time of Covid

This is an anxious time to be a parent. You’re helping children navigate a pandemic world in which new information – sometimes scary, sometimes confusing – has to be absorbed and reacted to on a regular basis. You may be helping an anxious child handle fears about going out into the world, or trying to enforce safety protocols with a child who is just eager to declare the pandemic “over.” You may be dealing with economic pressures, with worries over vulnerable family members, or with grief for people who have been lost.

And many of the everyday decisions of parenthood have become more heavily weighted and more frightening. It can’t be said too often: understand that you are living – and parenting – through very difficult times, and as far as possible, take care of yourself.

If you are anxious, if you are depressed, if you are angry, think about the coping strategies that help you, and look for additional help if you need it, from your partner, if you have one, from close friends and family, from your spiritual community, from your doctor, from a mental health professional. Understand that parents have faced a difficult – and at times impossible – set of “assignments,” and that they have in large part responded with everyday heroism in taking care of their children. But they need to care of themselves as well.

Bullying

You can take steps to help your children manage both bullying and conflict — and you’re at your most useful when you know which of the two you’re trying to address. Children who are being bullied are on the receiving end of mistreatment, and are helpless to defend themselves, whereas children in conflict are having a hard time getting along. Fortunately, most of the friction that happens among children is in the realm of conflict —an inevitable, if unpleasant, consequence of being with others — not bullying.

If children are being bullied, it’s important to reassure them that they deserve support, and that they should alert an adult to what’s happening. Further, you can remind your children that they cannot passively stand by if another child is being bullied. Regardless of how your own child might feel about the one being targeted, you can set the expectation that he or she will do at least one of three things: confront the bully, keep company with the victim, alert an adult.

When the issue is conflict, you should aim to help young people handle it well by learning to stand up for themselves without stepping on anyone else. To do this, you can model assertion, not aggression, in the inevitable disagreements that arise in family life, and coach your children to do the same as they learn how to address garden-variety disputes with their peers.

Morality

All parents have in common the wish to raise children who are good people. You surely care about how your child will treat others, and how he or she will act in the world. In some households, regular participation in a religious institution sets aside time for the family to reflect on its values and lets parents convey to their children that those beliefs are held by members of a broad community that extends beyond their home.

Even in the absence of strong spiritual beliefs, the celebration of religious holidays can act as a key thread in the fabric of family life. Though it is universally true that children benefit when their parents provide both structure and warmth, even the most diligent parents can struggle to achieve both of these on a regular basis. The rituals and traditions that are part of many religious traditions can bring families together in reliable and memorable ways. Of course, there are everyday opportunities to instill your values in your child outside of organized religion, including helping an elderly neighbor or taking your children with you to volunteer for causes that are important to you.  

Above all, however, children learn your values by watching how you live.

Academic Pressure

When it comes to school, parents walk a difficult line: You want your children to strive and succeed, but you don’t want to push them in ways that are unfair, or cause needless stress. At every age and skill level, children benefit when parents help them focus on improving their abilities, rather than on proving them. In other words, children should understand that their intellectual endowment only gets them started, and that their capabilities can be increased with effort.

Many children struggled during the course of the pandemic, faced with learning in ways that were harder for them than regular school – this may be especially true for children with learning differences and special needs, but it applies across the board. As they return to in-person schooling, children need time to catch up, and they need to feel comfortable asking for that time, or for extra help – so they need to hear the message that what matters is the learning and understanding that they gain, not some rigid schedule that they may have fallen behind.

Children who adopt this growth mindset – the psychological terminology for the belief that industry is the path to mastery – are less stressed than peers who believe their capacities are fixed, and outperform them academically. Students with a growth mindset welcome feedback, are motivated by difficult work, and are inspired by the achievements of their talented classmates.

To raise growth-mindset thinkers you can make a point of celebrating effort, not smarts, as children navigate school. (This may be more important than ever as schools reopen and children return following their different experiences with remote or hybrid education.) When they succeed, say, “Your hard work and persistence really paid off. Well done!” And when they struggle, say, “That test grade reflects what you knew about the material being tested on the day you took the test. It does not tell us how far you can go in that subject. Stick with it and keep asking questions. It will come.”

Parents should step in when students face academic challenges that cause constant or undue stress. Some students hold themselves, or are held by adults, to unrealistic standards. Others missed a step along the way, had a hard time during the pandemic, study ineffectively or are grappling with an undiagnosed learning difference. Parents should be in touch with teachers about how things are going. Determining the nature of the problem will point the way to the most helpful solution.

Here’s how to raise a child with a healthy attitude toward shiny screens and flashing buttons.You could try to raise a screen-free child, but let’s be honest, you’re reading this on a screen. As in everything else, the challenge is in balancing the ideal and the real in a way that’s right for your family. The pandemic upended many families’ rules and practices, as everything from visits with grandma from teenage social networks to math class started to happen on screens.

And some aspects of those experiences may help you think about positive screen-related experiences you want to build into your children’s lives going forward: regular dates for watching a movie as a family, reading a book on an iPad, FaceTiming with out-of-town relatives. Technology plays such an important role in children’s lives now that when we talk about it, we’re talking about everything from sleep to study to social life. 

“Technology is just a tool and it can be an extremely enriching part of kids’ lives,” said Scott Steinberg, co-author of “The Modern Parent’s Guide to Facebook and Social Networks.” “A lot of what we’re teaching about parenting around technology is just basic parenting,” he said. “It comes down to the Golden Rule: Are they treating others in a respectful and empathetic manner?” 

Phones and social media give older kids opportunities to reckon with responsibilities they haven’t had before, such as being sent, or asked to share, an inappropriate image, said Ana Homayoun, author of the book “Social Media Wellness: Helping Teens and Tweens Thrive in an Unbalanced Digital World.” Parents need to keep talking about this side of life with their children so they don’t leave their kids to navigate it alone. 

And then there’s the question of protecting family time. Mr. Steinberg advises setting household rules that govern when devices may be used, and have clear, age-appropriate policies so kids know what they can and can’t do.   

Some of these policies will be appropriate for all ages, including parents, such as:

  • No phones at the dinner table.
  • No screens for an hour before bedtime.

It’s important to practice what you preach. And if your family needs to re-set some of these rules as children return to the classroom, you can talk it through with your children, explaining why it matters to use devices well, but set some limits. And in addition to taking time for family meals and family conversations, parents should be taking the time to sit down with young children and look at what they’re doing online, rather than leaving them alone with their devices as babysitters. 

Parents as Digital Role Models

When a parent wants to post on social media about something a child did that may embarrass the child, Ms. Homayoun said, it’s worth stepping back to consider why. Are you posting it to draw attention to yourself? 

You should respect your child’s privacy as much as you respect the privacy of friends, family members and colleagues. As cute as it may seem to post pictures of a naked toddler, consider a “no butts” policy. That may not be the image that your child wants to portray 15 years from now. 

“We need to, from a very early age, teach kids what consent looks like,” Ms. Homayoun said. “It doesn’t begin when a kid is 15, 16 or 17. It begins when a kid is 3 and he doesn’t want to go hug his uncle.” Or when he doesn’t want you to post that video of him crying over a lost toy.  

Our children will create digital footprints as they grow, and it will be one of our jobs to help them, guide them and get them to think about how something might look a few years down the line — you can start by respecting their privacy and applying the same standards throughout their lives.  

Tech Toys

It’s easy to dismiss high-tech toys as just pricey bells and whistles, but if you choose more enriching options, you can find toys that help kids grow. For young children, though, there’s a great deal to be said for allowing them, as much as possible, to explore the nondigital versions of blocks, puzzles, fingerpaints and all the rest of the toys that offer tactile and fine motor experiences. As children get older, some high-tech games  encourage thinking dynamically, problem solving and creative expression.  

“These high-tech games can be an opportunity to bond with your kids. Learn more about how they think and their interests,” Mr. Steinberg said. Some games encourage kids to be part of a team, or lead one. And others let them be wilder than they might be in real life – in ways that parents can appreciate: “You can’t always throw globs of paint around the house but you can in the digital world,” he said.

The Right Age for a Phone?

“Many experts would say it’s about 13, but the more practical answer is when they need one: when they’re outside your direct supervision,” Mr. Steinberg said. Ms. Homayoun recommends them for specific contexts, such as for a child who may be traveling between two houses and navigating late sports practices.  

Consider giving tiered access to technology, such as starting with a flip phone, and remind children that privileges and responsibilities go hand in hand. A child’s expanding access to personal technology should depend on its appropriate use. 

To put these ideas into practical form, the website of the American Academy of Pediatrics offers guidelines for creating a personalized family media use plan.

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15:32 Fri, 30 Sep
14:37 Fri, 30 Sep
00:21 Fri, 30 Sep
GNWT releases What We Heard report on Child Day Care Act Government of Northwest Territories (Press Release)
00:14 Fri, 30 Sep
22:14 Thu, 29 Sep
18:54 Thu, 29 Sep
15:41 Thu, 29 Sep
Government releases Report of First Phase Review of Residential Child Care and Related Services The Government of Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (Press Release)
12:37 Thu, 29 Sep
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23:46 Wed, 28 Sep
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Latest progress of suspected child maltreatment incident in child care centre The Government of Hong Kong Special Administrative Region (Press Release)
17:33 Wed, 28 Sep
15:33 Wed, 28 Sep
15:09 Wed, 28 Sep
Old school to become child care center Albany Times Union, New York
14:44 Wed, 28 Sep
06:01 Wed, 28 Sep
21:58 Tue, 27 Sep
19:29 Tue, 27 Sep
15:35 Tue, 27 Sep
13:49 Tue, 27 Sep
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03:33 Tue, 27 Sep

00:39 Tue, 27 Sep

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Work-Life Balance: What Really Makes Us Happy Might Surprise You

Finding the right work-life balance is by no means a new issue in our society. But the tension between the two has been heightened by the pandemic, with workers increasingly dwelling over the nature of their work, its meaning and purpose, and how these affect their quality of life.

Studies suggest people are leaving or planning to leave their employers in record numbers in 2021 – a “great resignation” that appears to have been precipitated by these reflections. But if we’re all reconsidering where and how work slots into our lives, what should we be aiming at?

It’s easy to believe that if only we didn’t need to work, or we could work far fewer hours, we’d be happier, living a life of hedonic experiences in all their healthy and unhealthy forms. But this fails to explain why some retirees pick up freelance jobs and some lottery winners go straight back to work.

Striking the perfect work-life balance, if there is such a thing, isn’t necessarily about tinkering with when, where and how we work – it’s a question of why we work. And that means understanding sources of happiness that might not be so obvious to us, but which have crept into view over the course of the pandemic.

Attempts to find a better work-life balance are well merited. Work is consistently and positively related to our wellbeing and constitutes a large part of our identity. Ask yourself who you are, and very soon you’ll resort to describing what you do for work.

Our jobs can provide us with a sense of competence, which contributes to wellbeing. Researchers have demonstrated not only that labour leads to validation but that, when these feelings are threatened, we’re particularly drawn to activities that require effort – often some form of work – because these demonstrate our ability to shape our environment, confirming our identities as competent individuals.

Work even seems to makes us happier in circumstances when we’d rather opt for leisure. This was demonstrated by a series of clever experiments in which participants had the option to be idle (waiting in a room for 15 minutes for an experiment to start) or to be busy (walking for 15 minutes to another venue to participate in an experiment). Very few participants chose to be busy, unless they were forced to make the walk, or given a reason to (being told there was chocolate at the other venue).

Yet the researchers found that those who’d spent 15 minutes walking ended up significantly happier than those who’d spent 15 minutes waiting – no matter whether they’d had a choice or a chocolate or neither. In other words, busyness contributes to happiness even when you think you’d prefer to be idle. Animals seem to get this instinctively: in experiments, most would rather work for food than get it for free.

Eudaimonic happiness

The idea that work, or putting effort into tasks, contributes to our general wellbeing is closely related to the psychological concept of eudaimonic happiness. This is the sort of happiness that we derive from optimal functioning and realizing our potential. Research has shown that work and effort is central to eudaimonic happiness, explaining that satisfaction and pride you feel on completing a gruelling task.

On the other side of the work-life balance stands hedonistic happiness, which is defined as the presence of positive feelings such as cheerfulness and the relative scarcity of negative feelings such as sadness or anger. We know that hedonic happiness offers empirical mental and physical health benefits, and that leisure is a great way to pursue hedonic happiness.

But even in the realm of leisure, our unconscious orientation towards busyness lurks in the background. A recent study has suggested that there really is such a thing as too much free time – and that our subjective wellbeing actually begins to drop if we have more than five hours of it in a day. Whiling away effortless days on the beach doesn’t seem to be the key to long-term happiness.

This might explain why some people prefer to expend significant effort during their leisure time. Researchers have likened this to compiling an experiential CV, sampling unique but potentially unpleasant or even painful experiences – at the extremes, this might be spending a night in an ice hotel, or joining an endurance desert race.

People who take part in these forms of “leisure” typically talk about fulfilling personal goals, making progress and accumulating accomplishments – all features of eudaimonic happiness, not the hedonism we associate with leisure.

The real balance

This orientation sits well with a new concept in the field of wellbeing studies: that a rich and diverse experiential happiness is the third component of a “good life”, in addition to hedonic and eudaimonic happiness.

Across nine countries and tens of thousands of participants, researchers recently found that most people (over 50% in each country) would still prefer a happy life typified by hedonic happiness. But around a quarter prefer a meaningful life embodied by eudaimonic happiness, and a small but nevertheless significant amount of people (about 10-15% in each country) choose to pursue a rich and diverse experiential life.

Given these different approaches to life, perhaps the key to long-lasting wellbeing is to consider which lifestyle suits you best: hedonic, eudaimonic or experiential. Rather than pitching work against life, the real balance to strike post-pandemic is between these three sources of happiness.

By: Lis Ku , Senior Lecturer in Psychology, De Montfort University

Source: Work-life balance: what really makes us happy might surprise you

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