As a busy executive, Margaret Keane has had to find creative ways to fit time with her family into her busy schedule, especially when her children were teenagers. One method that she found particularly effective was driving her kids to school every day. “That way, we had at least 20 minutes just for us,” she says.
As the CEO of Connecticut-based Synchrony Financial, a credit card provider and consumer financial services platform, Keane does her best to achieve work-life balance but doesn’t beat herself up when she’s not able to achieve perfection. “Those years taught me to take each work-life challenge day-by-day and put less pressure on myself to accomplish everything at once.”
And Keane is far from alone: Professionals in what’s been called the “always on” work culture—especially women—often find it difficult to achieve work-life equilibrium. But, unlike Keane, many of these working people are wracked with guilt for failing to achieve complete harmony.
Now the idea of “work-life integration” is gaining currency, as more and more people concede the ideal of “balance” may just be an unattainable goal.
“It’s liberating to give up finding ‘balance,’” says Elisa Steele, CEO of the New York-based human resources platform Namely. “In fact, when I was seeking balance all the time, I just felt like a constant failure. There is no perfect balance—it’s just life. It’s dynamic and demanding and fluid and forgiving.”
Establishing your own personal definition of what balance means is the first step toward making it a reality, says Jae Ellard, author of the 2014 book The Five Truths about Work-Life Balance. And even though the original work-life balance idea has since morphed into discussions of like work-life integration or work-life harmony, her advice remains relevant.
Once a definition is established,” Ellard says, the next step “becomes about creating awareness around behaviors that support or sabotage the desired outcome at both the individual and organizational level.” The process might entail having uncomfortable conversations both at home and at the office about boundaries and priorities.
Ellard observes that the work-life conversation has recently evolved into one about corporate culture, “which is a huge leap in working to address some of the drivers of imbalance.”
Companies have begun to understand their roles in creating environments conducive to work-life success. Mathilde Collin, CEO of the shared inbox Front App and Forbes 30 Under 30 alum, is helping to lead this charge. She recently challenged her employees to delete all nonessential apps from their phones, including social media platforms like Twitter and Facebook, as a way of keeping them more present both at home and at work.
Since work-life balance is no longer the only way to define the successfully management of professional and personal life, there now appears to be an opportunity for people to hone what works for them—without feeling as though they need to live up to a certain standard, set by someone else.
“I hold the belief that it doesn’t matter what you call it,” says Ellard, referring to the idea of “balance,” as opposed to “integration.” “What matters most is that people have a clear idea of what it is they are wanting to create.”
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Source: Move Over, Work-Life Balance. Hello, Work-Life ‘Integration’
Despite all the sources of inspiration on the topic, it’s hard not to take notice of an authoritative, 81-year-long study conducted by the big brains at Harvard University. Known as the Harvard Study of Adult Development, it is one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.
Started in 1938, the Harvard study has been seeking to answer one question: What keeps us happiest as we go through life? The research started by tracking the lives of 724 men. Any original study participants left are now in their 90s, so now the study is examining the lives of 2,000 children of these men. This just might go on longer than The Simpsons.
As psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, the study’s fourth director, said in a recent TED Talk, the core conclusion of the study is breathtakingly simple: “The clearest message is this: good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”
The study also elaborates on the happy and healthy part. First, an unexpected health benefit of maintaining relationships throughout one’s life; it protects the brain and preserves memory longer. Knowing you have people you can count on when things get tough keeps the brain healthy and less anxiety-ridden, thus sharper.
And having social connections means you live a longer, happier life — but loneliness kills. People who are more isolated experience health declines sooner (including declines in brain functioning), are far less happy, and die sooner.
Waldinger points out that you can be lonely in a crowd or a marriage, so it’s also about the quality of relationships, not just the quantity.
But if maintaining relationships was easy, everyone would do it.
Here are some common things that get in the way of forging and fueling relationships, and how to overcome them.
The work of it never ends.
Relationships can be exhausting, but they have to be a priority. Period. Doubling down on the investment you make in those that matter to you will matter in the end. And as for those friends who do fade for whatever reason, it’s critical to keep plugging in new ones. Waldinger says, “Those happiest in retirement were people who’d actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.”
Having left the corporate world for the life of an entrepreneur (where I’m no longer surrounded daily by friends), I can tell you that keeping up with friendships is some of my most important work now.
That thing not said.
My wife and I base the strength of our marriage on our communication. Nothing gets left unsaid. I have seen friendships, marriages, and all walks of relationships rot from the inside because of a lack of courage in communicating the hard things.
The hard things are hard. The easy things are easy. The former strengthens bonds, even if it doesn’t feel like it at the time. To overcome the fear of saying that hard thing, try this simple trick: think of it as a bee sting. It will hurt at the moment it’s happening. But it’s soothed immediately thereafter if you apply salve, in the form of empathy and deep listening. And then everyone can move on.
Grudges do no one any good. Look in the dictionary under “Life’s too short” and you’ll find this. My dad was world-class at starting mystery fights with extended family members and holding grudges (and my mom even better at cleaning up behind him to keep the peace). It cost us a fair amount of potential family connectivity/joy.
Family-conflict expert Dr. Phil says the key to resolving family fights is to first recognize the impact the feud is having on the rest of the family, and then step up with a choice to forgive. Then get clear on what the disagreement is really about (sifting through emotions), seek to understand the others’ point of view, and extend an olive branch.
Work is only getting more intrusive.
Work-life integration has replaced work-life balance. We’ve never had more access to more distractions, devices, or demands. Integrating work into your life doesn’t mean it becomes your life. The integration part also means integrating with those you care about.
Strengthening relationships in the face of ever-increasing work demands involves redefining what success really is for you. In the end it’s a choice. I wish I had a more clever solve for you, but it really boils down to that. If success starts and ends with nurturing relationships, then everything else gets re-prioritized. You’ll find the things that go by the wayside to make room for relationships will soon seem trivial in comparison.
These researchers have been studying how to be happy for 81 years. Let’s learn from history to create a happier life, and one we can remember more clearly.
Source: An 81-year Harvard Study Says Staying Happy and Mentally Sharp Boils Down to 1 Thing
There are thousands of tips and psychological techniques to help you feel happy. But what if our own body had a say in the matter? Here are some findings from neuroscientists — the people who know exactly when and why your brain can give you the feeling of total satisfaction! Other videos you might like: 10 Facts About Brain Prove You’re Capable of Anything https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhnFL…
12 Smart Psychological Tips You’d Better Learn https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Szahr…
11 Military Hacks That’ll Make Your Life Easier https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=frG12…
TIMESTAMPS: Engage in pleasant expectations 0:42
Solve problems one at a time 1:17
Don’t keep things pent up: talk about what bothers you 1:50
Touch and embrace 2:29
Learn, learn, and, once again, learn! 3:12
Play sports 3:44
Always try to get a good sleep 4:40
Learn to say “Thank you” 5:16
SUMMARY: – The process of waiting for something nice, such as food or sex, is similar to the learned salivation response. Our brain experiences pleasure by simply anticipating the fun event. – For every right decision, our brain rewards itself with a dose of neurotransmitters that calm the limbic system and help us once again see the world in a better light. – Advisable not to keep your problems pent up. Whenever you talk about them, your brain triggers the production of serotonin and even manages to find some positive sides to the situation. – To us, humans, social interaction is important. Various forms of physical support, especially touch and embraces, can speed up a person’s recovery from an illness. – For the brain, acquiring new knowledge means permanent adaptation to a changing environment. Using this process, our brain develops, rewarding its own attempts to absorb and process new information with dopamine, the hormone of joy. – Physical activity is stress for the body. As soon as the stress ends, your body gets a reward: a dose of endorphins, released by the pituitary gland. – While we sleep in the dark, our body secretes the hormone melatonin. This hormone slows down all processes in the body, helping it to recover and increasing the level of serotonin in the hypothalamus. – When we say a person, or even fate, for something, we focus ourselves on the positive aspects of life. Pleasant memories trigger serotonin production in the anterior cingulate cortex. Subscribe to Bright Side : https://goo.gl/rQTJZz
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