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Good Luck Finding True Love With No Drama – Fulfillment Takes Work

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Apparently, in the dating world, there’s now an epidemic of men specifying partners and relationships with “no drama”. “I understand that people want joy, laughter and happiness in their relationships,” wrote Laura Hilgers, in a New York Times essay on the phenomenon.

But the men who use such phrases, she argued, “want something that doesn’t exist: a problem-free partnership with someone who has no life experience. Are they looking for a woman who never gets angry or afraid or sad, who never worries about her family or struggles in her job?”

It’s hard to say, because “drama” is so vague. That makes it a worthy successor to the now rather 70s-sounding “issues”: a label capacious enough to include people with severe personality disorders – whom you might be forgiven for wishing to avoid – but also everyone who has displayed any human emotion other than upbeat good cheer. So, by demanding “no drama”, you get to characterise your fear of difficult emotions as a simple matter of self-care.

Of course you don’t want to date somebody with, you know, issues! (To be clear: if drama means emotional or physical abuse, you should definitely avoid it.) On the other hand, good luck finding a fulfilling relationship if you will only consider people with no issues.

If I have sympathy for these drama-avoidant men, though, I can sum it up in two words: internet dating. Romance, like much else these days, comes with the promise of infinite possibility: if this particular match doesn’t work out, there are countless fantastic alternatives on standby. The promise might not be real; maybe none of those astoundingly attractive women would date you.

But it’s the belief that counts – and in this environment, filtering out the prospect of being exposed to someone else’s emotional struggles makes a certain, rather soulless, kind of sense. Why choose a challenging experience if a fun one seems like an option? Sure, the challenging experience may ultimately prove more meaningful, but it’s still a big ask.

It’s a mild version of that phenomenon where people have a brush with death, through illness or accident, then say it was the most meaningful experience of their lives. Fair enough – but even so, few of us would choose that path if we thought we could skip it instead. The problem here is the collision of a timeless truth – that what we think we want isn’t always what’s best for us – with a modern one: the way the “convenience revolution” makes it so easy to get what we think we want.

Convenience plays funny tricks: “I prefer to brew my coffee,” writes the academic Tim Wu, “but Starbucks Instant is so convenient I hardly ever do what I ‘prefer’.” A decade or two ago, it didn’t matter so much if you couldn’t handle negative emotions in others; if you wanted a relationship at all, you would have to learn to cope.

These days, when it takes willpower just to go and meet a friend instead of staying at home watching Netflix, how much more willpower does it take to voluntarily submit to the risk of difficult feelings? You still should, since it’s the only way to fulfillment. But like many other things worth doing, it’s getting easier and easier not to do it.

 

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Source: Good luck finding true love with no drama – fulfilment takes work | Oliver Burkeman | Life and style | The Guardian

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The 80/20 Rule And How It Can Change Your Life

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What is the 80/20 Rule and could it actually make 80% of your work disappear?

If you’ve studied business or economics, you’re well familiar with the power of the Pareto Principle.

The Man Behind The Concept

Vilfredo Federico Damaso Pareto was born in Italy in 1848. He would go on to become an important philosopher and economist. Legend has it that one day he noticed that 20% of the pea plants in his garden generated 80% of the healthy pea pods. This observation caused him to think about uneven distribution. He thought about wealth and discovered that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by just 20% of the population. He investigated different industries and found that 80% of production typically came from just 20% of the companies. The generalization became:

80% of results will come from just 20% of the action:

Pareto’s 80/20 Rule

This “universal truth” about the imbalance of inputs and outputs is what became known as the Pareto principle, or the 80/20 rule. While it doesn’t always come to be an exact 80/20 ratio, this imbalance is often seen in various business cases:

• 20% of the sales reps generate 80% of total sales.

• 20% of customers account for 80% of total profits.

• 20% of the most reported software bugs cause 80% of software crashes.

• 20% of patients account for 80% of healthcare spending (and 5% of patients account for a full 50% of all expenditures!)

On a more personal note, you might be able to relate to my unintentional 80/20 habits.

I own at least five amazing suits, but 80% of the time or more I grab my black, well-tailored, single-breasted Armani with a powder blue shirt. (Ladies, how many shoes do you own, and how often do you grab the same 20%?)

I have 15 rooms in my house, but I spend about 80% of my time in just my bedroom, family room, and office (exactly 20%).

I’m not sure how many miles of roads are in the small town where I live, but I bet I only drive on 20% or less of them, as I make daily trips to my kids’ schools, the grocery store, the bank and gas station.

On my smartphone, I have 48 different mobile apps pinned to the tiles, but 80% of the time I’m only using the eight on my home screen.

When I go grocery shopping, I definitely spend the most time in the aisles that are around the edges of the store: produce, the fish market, dairy, breads—and generally skip the aisles in the middle of the store (except for health and beauty).

As a massive introvert, I don’t actually socialize too much, but when I do, 80% of my time is spent with the same 20% of my friends and family members.

In my research into the productivity habits of high achievers, I interviewed hundreds of self-made millionaires, straight-A students and even Olympic athletes. For them, handling every task that gets thrown their way—or even every task that they would like to handle—is impossible. They use Pareto to help them determine what is of vital importance. Then, they delegate the rest, or simply let it go.

How You Can Use It

So how can you apply Pareto’s principle to gain more time in your life?

Are you an executive? You’re surely faced with the constant challenge of limited resources. It’s not just your time you need to maximize, but your entire team’s. Instead of trying to do the impossible, a Pareto approach is to truly understand which projects are most important. What are the most important goals of your organization, or boss, and which specific tasks do you need to focus on to align with those goals. Delegate or drop the rest.

Are you a freelancer? It’s important to identify your best (and highest-paying) clients. Of course, you don’t want all your eggs in one basket. But too much diversification will quickly lead to burnout. Focus on the money makers and strengthening those long-term relationships.

Are you an entrepreneur? The temptation always exists to try the new and exciting. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but it boils down to your goals. Are you trying to grow your current business? Would an 80/20 mindset help you to stay focused on your strategic plan and spend less time chasing endless new opportunities?

No matter what your situation, it’s important to remember that there are only so many minutes in an hour, hours in a day, and days in a week. Pareto can help you to see this is a good thing; otherwise, you’d be a slave to a never-ending list of things to do.

So, what 20% of your work drives 80% of your outcomes?

 

This Brilliantly Simple Packing Trick Will Radically Improve Your Next Trip. (You’ll Kick Yourself For Not Thinking of This Before)

Sometimes the best new ideas aren’t really new ideas at all. They’re more like the new application of an old idea.

Case in point: A year ago, I wrote about a simple trick my uncle taught me to avoid forgetting important things.

It came up when we went sailing on his boat in Rhode Island. As we came back to the harbor and tied up, he told me about the last two steps he always takes at the end of a cruise.

  1. First, he takes out his phone and takes a picture of the boat engine ignition in the “off” position.
  2. Then, he takes a second picture of the knot he used to tie the boat to the buoy.

As he told me last year:

“This is so when you wake up at 2 a.m. wondering, ‘Did I tie up the boat correctly?’ you don’t have to drive an hour back to the dock to find out.”

Mind. Completely. Blown.

I mean, I forget things all the time. It’s been a challenge my entire life.

So, for the past year, at my uncle’s implicit suggestion, I’ve been taking reminder photographs of everything.

Now, I’ve come across an even more useful application — specifically for when you’re packing and traveling.

The ultimate packing hack

Here’s how it works. Again, it’s so simple that I can’t believe I haven’t been doing this my entire life -; or at least for the 15 years or so I’ve had a phone with camera.

The problem we’re solving here is that nagging feeling you get when rushing to get out the door or hurrying through an airport, trying to remember whether you packed something important.

It’s tough enough when you’re going somewhere by yourself. It’s even more of a challenge when you’re packing an entire family for a week-long trip at the beach.

So, what I’ve learned to do, thanks to my uncle, is to take photo after photo after photo of my luggage as I’m packing.

100 photos, no problem

I did it last weekend, as my family and I were leaving for a week at Cape Cod.

Imagine those photos, but repeated over and over and over for each of about 25 bags and packages loaded up in the back of my Honda CR-V.

Yes, you can easily wind up with 100 photos on your phone. But so what?

You save so much time and drama later on, when you’re trying to recall if you packed enough sunscreen — or else to remember which bag to look in to find the baby’s must-have nighttime stuffed animal.

It also works for business travel, when you sit up in a panic on your flight, trying to remember if you packed your dress shoes — or if you’ll have to go to that meeting when you land in the Nikes you wore on the plane.

Also works for home remodeling

I saw my uncle again during our recent vacation, and I realized I shouldn’t keep this new application of his old idea to myself.

So, I should also share a more robust version of this packing hack — from when we remodeled one of the rooms in our house earlier this year.

This required packing about 15 boxes worth of items and knick-knacks into our attic. I shot photos of each box as I loaded it, then drew a number with a big Sharpie on each of them, 1 through 15, and took a picture of the numbers, too.

Everything was about 100 times easier to find just by looking at my phone.

Brilliantly simple

I know that when you get right down to this, it’s all a matter of documenting your life — something many of us are doing anyway.

It’s a remarkably simple hack, and one that takes mere seconds. But for me, it’s been brilliant.

And that’s the point. You’re almost certainly walking around nearly 100 percent of the time with a camera in your pocket that’s far more powerful than anything that existed even just a few years ago.

Use it. And then, use the part of your brain that you free up for things that are much more important.

By:  Bill Murphy Jr. www.billmurphyjr.com @BillMurphyJr

Source: This Brilliantly Simple Packing Trick Will Radically Improve Your Next Trip. (You’ll Kick Yourself For Not Thinking of This Before)

Why You Should Never Book Your Flight And Hotel At The Same Time

When it comes to booking vacations, have we been doing it wrong all this time? For many of us, planning a vacation typically means choosing a destination, doing some research, comparing prices, and then reaching for a credit card. Once we’ve got our ducks lined up in a row, we go ahead and book our flights and hotel. A significant percentage of travelers always buys a package that bundles the flight and hotel together because conventional wisdom says that packages save you money.

Except that’s not true, says Sam Shank, CEO of HotelTonight, a platform for last-minute hotel booking platform. That’s because the optimal time to book the various different elements of your trip happen at different times – and this is the crux of how to save. “If you don’t book your flights early, you’re going to spend a fortune. With airline tickets, prices shoot up a lot if you wait too long,” says Shank. “But it’s the exact opposite with hotel prices, which decline the longer you wait.”

In other words, it makes zero sense to book your flights and hotel at the same time. To get the best price on both elements of your vacation, you should book flights six to seven weeks ahead and wait until much closer to your travel dates to book your hotel. This is a particularly good strategy if you’ve chosen a destination with a lot of hotels and your heart is not set on a particular property during the peak travel season.

Shank’s advice is founded in stats. The average hotel is only two-thirds full on any given night, so unless there’s a convention or some other major event going on, there is likely to be plenty of inventory available in a destination even on your arrival day.

You can book a hotel up to three months in advance on the HotelTonight website or app (available for iOS and Android), but the longer you wait, the more you save. Booking a week out nabs you a better price than if you book a month out, but the biggest savings of all go to last-minute Charlies who wait until the same day, when hotel rates are, on average, 10% less than the day before, says Shank.

Have you been told that travel packages always save you money? Again, you are booking your flight and hotel at the same time and only one of those elements will be at its optimal price. “Unbundling helps you save because you can get the benefit of booking the flight early and the hotel late,” says Shank.

There’s another benefit to booking your flight and hotel separately. “The selection of hotels included in these packages is often limited, so you’re often not able to choose the perfect hotel for you,” says Shank. “By unbundling, you’re going to get better choice as well.”

READ MORE:

Follow me on LinkedIn. Check out my website.

I’m always looking for new ways to travel better, smarter, deeper and cheaper, so I spend a lot of time watching trends at the intersection of travel and technology.

 

Source: Why You Should Never Book Your Flight And Hotel At The Same Time

Mentally Strong People: The 13 Things They Avoid

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Editors’ Note: Following the huge popularity of this post, article source Amy Morin has authored a guest post on exercises to increase mental strength here and Cheryl Conner has interviewed Amy in a Forbes video chat about this article here.

For all the time executives spend concerned about physical strength and health, when it comes down to it, mental strength can mean even more. Particularly for entrepreneurs, numerous articles talk about critical characteristics of mental strength—tenacity, “grit,” optimism, and an unfailing ability as Forbes contributor David Williams says, to “fail up.”

However, we can also define mental strength by identifying the things mentally strong individuals don’t do. Over the weekend, I was impressed by this list compiled by Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker,  that she shared in LifeHack. It impressed me enough I’d also like to share her list here along with my thoughts on how each of these items is particularly applicable to entrepreneurs.

1.    Waste Time Feeling Sorry for Themselves. You don’t see mentally strong people feeling sorry for their circumstances or dwelling on the way they’ve been mistreated. They have learned to take responsibility for their actions and outcomes, and they have an inherent understanding of the fact that frequently life is not fair. They are able to emerge from trying circumstances with self-awareness and gratitude for the lessons learned. When a situation turns out badly, they respond with phrases such as “Oh, well.” Or perhaps simply, “Next!”

2. Give Away Their Power. Mentally strong people avoid giving others the power to make them feel inferior or bad. They understand they are in control of their actions and emotions. They know their strength is in their ability to manage the way they respond.

3.    Shy Away from Change. Mentally strong people embrace change and they welcome challenge. Their biggest “fear,” if they have one, is not of the unknown, but of becoming complacent and stagnant. An environment of change and even uncertainty can energize a mentally strong person and bring out their best.

4. Waste Energy on Things They Can’t Control. Mentally strong people don’t complain (much) about bad traffic, lost luggage, or especially about other people, as they recognize that all of these factors are generally beyond their control. In a bad situation, they recognize that the one thing they can always control is their own response and attitude, and they use these attributes well.

5. Worry About Pleasing Others. Know any people pleasers? Or, conversely, people who go out of their way to dis-please others as a way of reinforcing an image of strength? Neither position is a good one. A mentally strong person strives to be kind and fair and to please others where appropriate, but is unafraid to speak up. They are able to withstand the possibility that someone will get upset and will navigate the situation, wherever possible, with grace.

6. Fear Taking Calculated Risks. A mentally strong person is willing to take calculated risks. This is a different thing entirely than jumping headlong into foolish risks. But with mental strength, an individual can weigh the risks and benefits thoroughly, and will fully assess the potential downsides and even the worst-case scenarios before they take action.

7. Dwell on the Past. There is strength in acknowledging the past and especially in acknowledging the things learned from past experiences—but a mentally strong person is able to avoid miring their mental energy in past disappointments or in fantasies of the “glory days” gone by. They invest the majority of their energy in creating an optimal present and future.

8. Make the Same Mistakes Over and Over. We all know the definition of insanity, right? It’s when we take the same actions again and again while hoping for a different and better outcome than we’ve gotten before. A mentally strong person accepts full responsibility for past behavior and is willing to learn from mistakes. Research shows that the ability to be self-reflective in an accurate and productive way is one of the greatest strengths of spectacularly successful executives and entrepreneurs.

9. Resent Other People’s Success. It takes strength of character to feel genuine joy and excitement for other people’s success. Mentally strong people have this ability. They don’t become jealous or resentful when others succeed (although they may take close notes on what the individual did well). They are willing to work hard for their own chances at success, without relying on shortcuts.

10. Give Up After Failure. Every failure is a chance to improve. Even the greatest entrepreneurs are willing to admit that their early efforts invariably brought many failures. Mentally strong people are willing to fail again and again, if necessary, as long as the learning experience from every “failure” can bring them closer to their ultimate goals.

11. Fear Alone Time. Mentally strong people enjoy and even treasure the time they spend alone. They use their downtime to reflect, to plan, and to be productive. Most importantly, they don’t depend on others to shore up their happiness and moods. They can be happy with others, and they can also be happy alone.

12. Feel the World Owes Them Anything. Particularly in the current economy, executives and employees at every level are gaining the realization that the world does not owe them a salary, a benefits package and a comfortable life, regardless of their preparation and schooling. Mentally strong people enter the world prepared to work and succeed on their merits, at every stage of the game.

13. Expect Immediate Results. Whether it’s a workout plan, a nutritional regimen, or starting a business, mentally strong people are “in it for the long haul”. They know better than to expect immediate results. They apply their energy and time in measured doses and they celebrate each milestone and increment of success on the way. They have “staying power.” And they understand that genuine changes take time. Do you have mental strength? Are there elements on this list you need more of? With thanks to Amy Morin, I would like to reinforce my own abilities further in each of these areas today. How about you?

Cheryl Snapp Conner is a frequent speaker and author on reputation and thought leadership. You can subscribe to her team’s bi-weekly newsletter, The Snappington Post, here.

ALSO ON FORBES

Follow me on Twitter. Check out my website.

I am an entrepreneur and communications expert from Salt Lake City and founder of SnappConner PR. I am the author of Beyond PR

 

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/cherylsnappconner/2013/11/18/mentally-strong-people-the-13-things-they-avoid/#2bd3b0056d75

Truly Thoughtful Mother’s Day Ideas You Haven’t Thought Of Before

Here’s a Mother’s Day secret: Moms are happy with whatever their loved ones give them. Gifts from their family members are always a delight — and yet some are just a bit more delightful than others.

This year, give the mothers in your life a wow-how-did-you-know gift. These ideas aren’t just presents. They’re validation. They tell a mother that you see all the work she does, that you appreciate every bit of it and that you want to do something to make things a little easier.

A Wellness Planner

Mom may not be the type to dedicate time to writing or doodling in a blank journal, but a wellness planner may be a different matter.

This is a special type of journal that helps people track and reflect on how they’re doing mentally and physically. It can help with goal-setting, developing healthy sleep habits, tracking nutrition and exercise, and recognizing the things that make us feel mentally and emotionally sound.

Researchers have found journaling has real emotional health benefits, so she’ll have reason to love this new habit even more over time.

These guided journals come in a variety of options, so shop around to find the best one for the mom in your life.

A Meal Kit Subscription 

Ask any parent and they’ll tell you that planning menus, grocery shopping and cooking can take serious time. If your mom helps out with any of these household responsibilities, you can help lighten her load by giving her a subscription to a meal kit company.

Lots of clever companies are now offering home-delivered meal kits for creative, delicious meals the whole family will enjoy. Complete with recipes and premeasured ingredients tailored to your family’s size and taste, these kits can offer mealtime ease in addition to great food.

The even better news? A recent study showed that meal kits have a smaller carbon footprint than meals made from groceries, so it’s a gift for both mothers and the planet.

A Weekend Day At Home, Alone

The busy mother in your life might have a list of things she always wants to do at home but never finds the time for — like reading a book on the porch or working on a creative project.

Give Mom the gift of unstructured free time at home, all by herself.

Most moms love a little “me time.” But here’s the hitch: It’s hard to relax in a house full of everyday to-dos that need doing. Prep her for her day at home by tackling any tasks she might normally be tempted to take on herself. Roll up your own sleeves or have professionals come help. Then go out for the day.

A Sleep App

Researchers have recently verified what many parents have known by gut for centuries: It takes years after a child is born — six years, in fact — for parents to get their normal sleep patterns back.

But parenting-related sleep challenges don’t necessarily end when the children turn six. From shuttling kids to early-morning sporting events to setting an alarm late at night to make sure a teenager has made curfew, a mother’s sleep schedule is often erratic. You can help Mom reclaim a little more rest with a subscription to a sleep app.

These subscription services vary, but many offer guided meditation sessions, sleep trackers and timers, and custom white noise. Other snooze-promoting app options include relaxing breathing exercises and calming music. Some platforms even include soothing bedtime stories.

A Home Security System

You might not be able to stop a parent from worrying. But you might be able to provide some peace of mind with a smart security system.

These easy-to-use systems can be customized for your home and controlled via smartphone. Some can detect motion, forced entry, smoke and even leaking pipes — because every mother’s worries are different.

This year, pair the flowers and candy with one of these thoughtful gift ideas. You’ll have not only a happy Mother’s Day, but also a truly happy mother. And doesn’t she deserve it?

A former downtown development professional, Natalie Burg is a freelancer who writes about growth, entrepreneurialism and innovation.

This article is for educational purposes only, and is not intended to provide medical or legal advice, or to indicate the availability or suitability of any product or service for your unique circumstances.

Capital One does not provide, endorse, or guarantee any third-party product, service, information or recommendation listed above. The third parties listed are solely responsible for their products and services, and all trademarks listed are the property of their respective owners.

Capital One offers a broad spectrum of financial products and services to cardholders, including digital tools, that help cardholders save time and money.

Source: Truly Thoughtful Mother’s Day Ideas You Haven’t Thought Of Before

How To Be An Attractive Man — Pointless Overthinking

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In our post industrial, feminist world, its not as clear a it used to be what a man is or what he should be. We live in a world, in which feminist groups often associate man’s masculinity with ‘tyranny’ and as a result believe in degrading men’s masculinity. Centuries ago, a mans duty was power […]

via How To Be An Attractive Man — Pointless Overthinking

7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose – Mark Manson – Pocket

One day, when my brother was 18, he waltzed into the living room and proudly announced to my mother and me that one day he was going to be a senator. My mom probably gave him the “That’s nice, dear,” treatment while I’m sure I was distracted by a bowl of Cheerios or something. But for fifteen years, this purpose informed all of my brother’s life decisions: what he studied in school, where he chose to live, who he connected with, and even what he did with many of his vacations and weekends……..

Source: 7 Strange Questions That Help You Find Your Life Purpose – Mark Manson – Pocket

50 Ways To Live On Your Own Terms – Benjamin Hardy – Pocket

Although people think they perform better on caffeine, the truth is, they really don’t. Actually, we’ve become so dependent on caffeine that we use it to simply get back to our status-quo. When we’re off it, we under perform and become incapable.

Source: 50 Ways To Live On Your Own Terms – Benjamin Hardy – Pocket

A Very Happy New Year to all couples and all lovers! — Success Inspirers’ World

May your loftiest dream come true this year! May you be blessed with love, prosperity and joy throughout the year!

via A very Happy New Year to all couples and all lovers! — Success Inspirers’ World

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