How To Un-Spoil Your Kid, According To Parenting Experts

Malte Mueller via Getty Images

A spoiled kid is one who thinks and acts like the world revolves around them. They’re used to getting what they want, when they want it — and if they don’t, they’ll throw a fit until they do. They show little to no appreciation for what they have and expect others to cater to them, often without contributing anything in return.

Some parenting experts don’t like to use the word “spoiled” to describe a child because it implies they’re somehow “ruined.” Some prefer the word “entitled,” with a focus on labeling the negative behavior, not the kid’s character.

According to parenting coach Amy McCready, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, examples of entitled behavior might include “the expectation that things will be done for them, like the household chores, or awarded to them unnecessarily, like getting candy for trying one bite of broccoli or getting paid to do homework.”

“Entitled kids may also believe they are the center of the universe and that rules don’t apply to them,” McCready said. “They usually get their way and fail to show gratitude.”

All kids will have “off” days when they act up from time to time. So “it’s important to distinguish between whether your child is just having a rough day or they are exhibiting ‘spoiled’ behaviors” consistently, said McCready, who wrote the book “The ‘Me, Me, Me’ Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World.”

Parenting coach Traci Baxley, author of “Social Justice Parenting,” told HuffPost that in her work, she focuses less on the kid’s behavior and more on the parents’ habits and approach. Caregivers rarely set out to raise a spoiled child, but they may end up indulging their kids anyway for a number of reasons.

“Parents show up using the limited tools they were taught, or attempt to overcompensate for lack in their own childhood,” Baxley said. “Parents are humans first, with lived experiences and possible traumas from the past that show up as fear, protection, and misguided, but well-intended, love.”

One quick thing to clear up: Spoiling a kid has nothing to do with “over-loving” them, said Aliza Pressman, co-founder of the Mount Sinai Parenting Center and host of the “Raising Good Humans” podcast.

“There is never a limit to how much love you have and show children,” she said. “This does not contribute to that sense of entitlement.”But if your way of showing love to your child is “tending to their every wish and need without teaching them there are limits, and that they can do and work towards things themselves,” then your kids are more likely to be entitled, McCready said.

No child is born “spoiled”— it’s a learned behavior, Baxley said. So the good news is that we can help our kids become less entitled by modifying our parenting approaches and helping them change their behavior in turn. Here’s how to “un-spoil” a child, according to experts.

Do some self-reflection.

Take time to think about why you make some of the parenting decisions you do. Ask yourself: “Why do I need to over-purchase for my child? Why do I find it too difficult to say no? How does it make me feel after I’ve bought something or said yes when I really wanted to say no?” Baxley said.

“See what bubbles up for you,” she said. “See if you can connect something in the past to your current parenting practices and engage in small intentional steps to make changes.” Be aware that this kind of reflection can be difficult for some parents, because it may bring up painful memories from their own childhood.

“Please know that this process may include getting professional support, great patience and giving yourself grace along the way,” Baxley said.

Encourage autonomy.

“This means not doing for your child what they can already do for themselves, guiding and encouraging them to do what they can almost do, and teaching and modeling things they are not yet ready to do,” Pressman said. Examples might include things like getting dressed, putting on their shoes or making a snack.

Set and enforce boundaries consistently.

You may hate setting limits or saying “no” to your kid because it’s exhausting or distressing to watch them have a meltdown. But kids want and need consistent boundaries, Baxley said. Nevertheless, they’ll push back — “and push back hard if they aren’t used to boundaries from their parents,” she said.

“During their breakdowns or lack of emotional regulation, acknowledge the feelings instead of rewarding the temper tantrum or negative behavior,” she said.

How do you do this? Say something like: “‘I see you are disappointed you couldn’t get that toy today’ or ‘I know not being allowed to have a sleepover with your friends makes you angry,’” Baxley suggested. “This demonstrates that you have empathy and compassion for them in this situation, but you’re enforcing boundaries.”

Give them responsibilities at home.

When you kid is accustomed to you catering to their needs, it’s not easy getting them to meet your new expectations to do more at home. It can help to use what McCready calls “when-then routines.”

“You can use a when-then routine for anything from getting household work done —‘When the dog is walked, then you can see your friend’ — to bedtime — ’When your teeth are brushed and you’re in your pajamas, then we can read your book. But remember, lights out at 8 p.m.,’” she said. “Please note that the ’thens’ are regularly occurring events and activities and not rewards!”

Ditch rewards for everyday tasks.

Rewarding your kids with money, treats or toys to motivate them to do their homework or brush their teeth may work in the moment — “but in real life, prizes for basic tasks are few or nonexistent,” McCready said.

“That’s why it’s important to nurture long-term motivation — the capacity for hard work and self-achievement — and the benefits that come from that effort alone,” she said.

Don’t rescue your kid when they make mistakes or experience setbacks.

Parents have a tendency to want to rush in, fix things and save the day, often unnecessarily. It’s OK — good, even — to allow kids to fail and experience consequences for their actions.

“If a child did not get the part in the play or picked for the soccer team, support them through their challenging feelings, but don’t offer to speak to the coach and change the situation,” Pressman said. “If they forget their homework, allow them to experience the discomfort of owning up to it rather than having you explain it to the teacher. That helps kids grow up knowing what it feels like to be disappointed and to seek emotional support and move forward.”

Expect — and accept — that your child will be upset with you.

It’s inevitable: Your kid is going to get angry or disappointed with you at times. They might even say they don’t like you or need you. But parenting isn’t about being popular or well-liked all the time, Baxley said.

“Don’t let their behavior and words determine your family’s values and boundaries,” she said. “As part of a child’s development, from toddler to teenager, they test the power of using their voice. They are caught between two ways of being — to be independent and take care of themselves and the need to be loved and nurtured by their parents.”

You can give your child space to voice their feelings and frustrations without giving in to them all the time.

“Listen attentively and lovingly,” Baxley said. “We want them to know their voice and opinions matter. Stay consistent with your established values, so they know what your family’s guideposts are and they learn how to be accountable for their words and actions.”

Reinforce values like community and teamwork.

Entitled kids may struggle to think about other people’s needs. Having them contribute to the household by assisting with chores, or having them participate in community volunteer work, can help reinforce this.

“When we participate in acts of kindness, we experience a sense of joy,” Baxley said. “Each time our children get an opportunity to do for others, we build these habits of kindness. Over time, these habits will become the learned behaviors that we desire for our children.”

Help them be more considerate of others, shifting their focus from “me, me, me” to “we, we, we.”

“Look for those everyday moments to do so,” educational psychologist Michele Borba previously told HuffPost. “Like, ‘Let’s ask Alice what she would like to do,’ ‘How do you think Daddy feels?’ ‘Ask your friend what he would like to play’ or ‘Let’s go volunteer at the soup kitchen.’”

Refrain from shaming them.

Making your kid feel ashamed over their entitled behavior isn’t going to be productive for them or for you.

“Shaming does not help kids get unspoiled,” Pressman said. “Avoid saying, ‘You’re spoiled because…’ Instead, focus on helping kids understand that their behavior may need some fine-tuning, but who they are as a person is someone you love unconditionally.”

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Source: How To ‘Un-Spoil’ Your Kid, According To Parenting Experts | HuffPost UK Parenting

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Why Taking A Personal Approach To Business Can Yield Big Results

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Almost everyone has heard, “It’s not personal; it’s just business.” While this phrase sounds okay on the surface, adopting this belief is actually more damaging than you’d think for your employees and customers.

Business is inherently personal because companies are made up of people who aren’t interested in one-size-fits-all approaches. No one wants to feel like a cog in a wheel, which is why taking a personal approach in business often leads to better performance and greater satisfaction in your work.

If you want to take a personal approach in your business, this starts with how you treat your employees and customers. If these relationships aren’t as strong as you would like them to be, here are some strategies for improving them.

Taking A Personal Approach To Employees

Salary will always play a role in an employee’s job satisfaction, but now, a higher salary doesn’t have as much negotiation power as before. The “great resignation” has forced many companies to see that their old ways aren’t cutting it in the current environment. It isn’t just recommended to take a more personal approach to your business relationships—it’s a necessity to keep your team from migrating to the competition.

Employees need to feel that their work has meaning and, more importantly, see how it contributes to the greater good. Here are a few ways you can begin taking a personal approach with your employees:

Be transparent: There’s nothing more frustrating than working in a job where it feels like management is constantly withholding information. You’re not protecting your employees from anything—you’re creating unnecessary anxiety in the office. Be honest with your team and let them know what’s happening in the business—they’ll be more committed to the company because of it.

Provide opportunities to advance: It’s hard to experience job satisfaction if you don’t feel like you’re growing and getting better at what you do. Look for ways to give your employees opportunities to advance, and talk to them about new positions that will be available as the company grows.

Remember birthdays: Don’t let staff birthdays come and go without acknowledging them. Mark the dates of all your employees’ birthdays in your calendar and order them a cake, or something similar, to celebrate. It may seem like a small gesture, but it will go a long way toward showing your employees you care about them.

Taking A Personal Approach To Customers

Your customers drive your business, so you need to consider their interactions with your company from their point of view. Staying connected to your customers and showing them you care about their opinion will build long-term brand loyalty, much like it would if you were in their shoes.

One of the easiest ways to do this is by simply thanking your customers for their business. If you’re a small business, you may be able to call each customer personally and thank them for their support.

Another option is to send cards thanking your customers for their business. You can also send holiday cards to show your appreciation, but you don’t just want to engage your customers when things are going well—it’s just as important to reach out when there’s a problem.

Instead of seeing complaints as a hassle, use them as opportunities to strengthen the relationship with your customers. Mistakes are inevitable, and when you apologize and do what you can to fix the problem, it builds trust with your customers.

Taking A Personal Approach Can Lead To Bigger Business Results

As a business owner, you need to find ways to motivate and inspire your employees. Happy employees will be more productive, more engaged with their work, and more creative, which can also lead to lower employee turnover rates and help your bottom line.

Your goal with each customer is to increase the customer lifetime value (CLV). A high CLV means that customer brings in more revenue for your business. By building credibility and trust with your customers, you’ll lower your customer churn and, of course, make each customer more impactful for your longevity.

As technology becomes more advanced, it’s easy for businesses to lose sight of what really matters. We can automate processes and communicate with our team/customers through apps for convenience, but if we don’t focus on the human component of our relationships, simplicity becomes much less important.

When you take a personal approach in business, you treat your employees and customers as individuals and look for personalized solutions to every problem. You look beyond your CRM and Slack to find ways to build strong relationships—an old approach to a new challenge. Take the time, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and strategize to implement systems that benefit your team and customers just as much as your profit line.

CEO & Founder of National Business Capital, the leading fintech marketplace offering streamlined small business loans. Read Joe Camberato’s full

Source: Why Taking A Personal Approach To Business Can Yield Big Results

.

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Not too long ago, a colleague and I were lamenting the process of growing older and the inevitable increasing difficulty of remembering things we want to remember. That becomes particularly annoying when you attend a conference or a learning seminar and find yourself forgetting the entire session just days later.

But then my colleague told me about the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve, a 100-year-old formula developed by German psychologist Hermann Ebbinghaus, who pioneered the experimental study of memory. The psychologist’s work has resurfaced and has been making its way around college campuses as a tool to help students remember lecture material.

For example, the University of Waterloo explains the curve and how to use it on the Campus Wellness website. I teach at Indiana University and a student mentioned it to me in class as a study aid he uses. Intrigued, I tried it out too–more on that in a moment. The Forgetting Curve describes how we retain or lose information that we take in, using a one-hour lecture as the basis of the model.

The curve is at its highest point (the most information retained) right after the one-hour lecture. One day after the lecture, if you’ve done nothing with the material, you’ll have lost between 50 and 80 percent of it from your memory.

By day seven, that erodes to about 10 percent retained, and by day 30, the information is virtually gone (only 2-3 percent retained). After this, without any intervention, you’ll likely need to relearn the material from scratch. Sounds about right from my experience. But here comes the amazing part–how easily you can train your brain to reverse the curve.

With just 20 minutes of work, you’ll retain almost all of what you learned.

This is possible through the practice of what’s called spaced intervals, where you revisit and reprocess the same material, but in a very specific pattern. Doing so means it takes you less and less time to retrieve the information from your long-term memory when you need it. Here’s where the 20 minutes and very specifically spaced intervals come in.

Ebbinghaus’s formula calls for you to spend 10 minutes reviewing the material within 24 hours of having received it (that will raise the curve back up to almost 100 percent retained again). Seven days later, spend five minutes to “reactivate” the same material and raise the curve up again. By day 30, your brain needs only two to four minutes to completely “reactivate” the same material, again raising the curve back up.

Thus, a total of 20 minutes invested in review at specific intervals and, voila, a month later you have fantastic retention of that interesting seminar. After that, monthly brush-ups of just a few minutes will help you keep the material fresh.

Here’s what happened when I tried it.

I put the specific formula to the test. I keynoted at a conference and was also able to take in two other one-hour keynotes at the conference. For one of the keynotes, I took no notes, and sure enough, just shy of a month later I can barely remember any of it.

For the second keynote, I took copious notes and followed the spaced interval formula. A month later, by golly, I remember virtually all of the material. And in case if you’re wondering, both talks were equally interesting to me–the difference was the reversal of Ebbinghaus’ Forgetting Curve.

So the bottom line here is if you want to remember what you learned from an interesting seminar or session, don’t take a “cram for the exam” approach when you want to use the info. That might have worked in college (although Waterloo University specifically advises against cramming, encouraging students to follow the aforementioned approach).

Instead, invest the 20 minutes (in spaced-out intervals), so that a month later it’s all still there in the old noggin. Now that approach is really using your head. Science has proven that reading can enhance your cognitive function, develop your language skills, and increase your attention span.

Plus, not only does the act of reading train your brain for success, but you’ll also learn new things! The founder of Microsoft, Bill Gates, said, “Reading is still the main way that I both learn new things and test my understanding.”

By: Scott Mautz

Source: Train Your Brain to Remember Anything

Source: Train Your Brain to Remember Anything You Learn With This Simple, 20-Minute Habit

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How To Craft a Great Mission Statement For Your Business In 5 Simple Ways

Mission statements remain key aspects of businesses since they remind employees and leaders of what the business stands for. These mission statements can inspire people and help them become unified, so a business needs to know how to create one. This means you must review the approaches and strategies available, so you can craft a great mission statement to help your business.

How to Come Up with A Good Mission Statement

1. Know What You Want to Accomplish

If you plan to craft a mission statement, you need to understand what your business plans to accomplish. For example, some businesses want to help people feel happy and beautiful while others want to get people to find their own homes. While your business wants to make money, it needs to have another point it can focus on.

This means you need to consider the position of your business, so you can find an ideal mission statement based on the situation. The statement won’t work if your business doesn’t identify one related to it. Because of this, you need to form a connection between your statement and business by working towards a goal.

2. Look at the Big Picture

Once you identify the goals you plan to accomplish, you need to look at the situation from a larger scope. This means identifying why your business wants to reach a goal, so you can see the situation with the bigger picture in mind. For example, if your business wants to encourage people to purchase homes, you need to figure out why you want to do so.

For example, a life coach mission statement can mention wanting people to succeed, so it does this by offering its services. This means you need to understand how your business benefits its customers, so you can build your statement around it and understand the bigger picture.

3. Make it Relatable

Not only do you want your mission statement to point towards a goal, but you also want it to stand out as a relatable one. This means you need to identify one that customers and average people understand and want. You must get your customers involved and invested in your mission statement to help you succeed.

You want your customers to feel invested, so they gain a reason to support your business. If they want to see you fulfil your mission statement, they’ll continue to make purchases and support your cause. That way, your customers can feel good about helping you out while your business continues to make money.

4. Focus on Simplicity

As you craft a mission statement, you can focus on simplicity to make it better. It needs to catch the attention of people, so you can’t make them too complicated or long. This seems unnecessary, but doing so can make your mission statement strong overall. Mission statements should stick to one idea expressed in a single sentence.

If your mission statement drags on for multiple sentences, it becomes overwhelming and unappealing. When this happens, customers and employees forget about it since it becomes too long to remember. Instead, you need to make the mission statement a single line people can easily memorize and remain focused on to help your business out.

5. Ask for Suggestions

Developing mission statements helps businesses succeed, but some people struggle to create them on their own. You don’t have to think of a mission statement since you can turn to people in your business for assistance. This means you need to take the necessary time to talk with people throughout your business to receive suggestions.

You can talk with the leaders and ask them what they think might work as an effective mission statement. You can also ask customers and employees for their opinions, so you can identify more options for your mission statement. Once you find one, make sure you give credit to the person who came up with it.

Conclusion

A mission statement allows you to represent your business through a simple phrase and idea. Make sure you focus on creating a mission statement, so you can find one to represent your entire business. As you focus on this, you can impress your customers while encouraging your employees to work towards your mission statement goal.

Source: How to Craft a Great Mission Statement for Your Business In 5 Simple Ways – Newslibre

.

Related contents:

Thompson, Andrew (20 August 2015). “Google’s Vision Statement & Mission Statement”. Panmore Institute. Archived from the original on 13 November 2015. Retrieved 2015-11-02.

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How to Answer “Why Do You Want to Work Here?”

Summary.    Of all the interview questions job applicants prepare for, the most obvious ones sometimes get the least attention. Yes, you came ready to share your biggest flaw, your greatest strength, a moment when you shined, and a concept you learned, but what do you do…

Sometimes the toughest job interview questions are also the simplest and most direct. One you should always expect to hear and definitely prepare for:

“Why do you want to work here?”

Like a similarly problematic interview question — “Tell me about yourself” — “Why do you want to work here?” requires you to focus on a specific answer without any clues, contexts, or prompting from the interviewer. It’s a blank space — but that doesn’t mean you can wing it and fill it with just anything.

How to Answer “Why Do You Want to Work Here?”

Drawing from my 16 years of experience as a communications coach as well as someone who’s sat on both sides of the interview table many times, I recommend three basic approaches:

  1. Express your personal passion for the employer’s product/service/mission.
  2. Explain why you would enjoy the responsibilities of the role.
  3. Describe how you can see yourself succeeding in the role, given your skills and experience.

You can use any combination of these three approaches so long as you keep your answer concise. Here’s how to tackle each approach effectively along with sample answers to use as a guide.

1. Express your personal passion for the employer’s product/service/mission.

Employers want to know you’re passionate about what they do, whether it takes the shape of a product, a service, a mission, or a brand. You can also connect your passion to the company’s core values, which can often be found on their website. Showing you’re passionate about the position is particularly important if you’re applying for a role at a nonprofit where the mission matches your personal values.

But how do you convey this enthusiasm? CEO consultant Sabina Nawaz offers useful tips in her HBR piece, “How to Show You’re Passionate in an Interview.” As she writes, “When you’re passionate about something, it tends to spill over into other aspects of your life.” Identify those examples in your own life and share them during your interview. Expressing enthusiasm is not about “display[ing] the kind of full-throated, table-thumping behaviors companies tend to equate with passion,” Sabina explains. It’s about conveying “what matters most to you.”

And remember to be clear about why you are passionate, not just that you are passionate. Simon Sinek has schooled us all on the importance of “why,” and it’s no less important in a job interview than it is in a sales call or CEO keynote.

Sample Answers

Here are examples of responses that effectively connect passion to mission.

  • “For most of my adult life, I’ve strongly supported X because I believe that Y…”
  • “X is very important to me in both my professional and personal life because I strongly believe that…”
  • “I’m very passionate about X and would be thrilled to work for an organization that subscribes to the same core values…”

2. Explain why you would enjoy the responsibilities of the role.

It’s no secret that we work harder, better, and longer when we enjoy the work, and what employer wouldn’t want that dedication from their staff? But it’s your responsibility to make that connection between job and joy clear. That connection can be as simple as “X is something I enjoy,” but expressing how or why you enjoy it makes that point even more valuable and memorable.

Sample Answers

Here are examples of responses that connect job to joy.

  • “I always enjoy helping other people learn — from my tutoring work in school to the training experiences I had at my last job — which is why I feel so fulfilled working in L&D.”
  • “I’ve always loved to write and edit — from my days at the college newspaper to the web content I worked on as an intern — so I’m excited to see that writing is a big part of this job.”
  • “Analyzing data has always been fun for me — the challenge of using numbers to tell a story and convey an idea — and I look forward to the data visualization work we’ll be doing on this team.”

3. Describe how you can see yourself succeeding in the role, given your skills and experience.

While the interviewer is hiring you for who you are and what you can do now, they’re also interested in what you can achieve in the future. After all, they’re not just hiring you; they’re investing in you.

Express confidence about your ability to succeed and grow in the role. Use phrases like “Given my experience in X, I can see myself succeeding…,” “I look forward to using my skills to…,” and “I think I will contribute by….” The key is to describe how your previous experience has prepared you to hit the ground running.

Sample Answers

Here are examples of responses that paint a peek at what may be.

  • “I can see myself succeeding in this position because I’ve done similar work in the past and know what it takes to engage these particular consumers.”
  • “I’ve found I work best in a collaborative environment, so I look forward to working with several departments to align on and achieve our goals.”
  • “After learning more about this job, I’m sure I can help you find ways to manage projects more efficiently and effectively.”

Combining the Three Approaches: Sample Answer 

Here’s a sample answer using a hypothetical marketing position for a health care company where writing, creativity, and collaboration are key priorities:

I want to work here because, with physicians in my family, I’m passionate about helping people address their health challenges and make smart decisions about their bodies and their lives. I also love copywriting and diving into editorial strategy — especially in social media — and enjoy brainstorming with colleagues to come up with the best creative ideas. When I think about the needs of this role and the integrity of the corporate mission, I feel incredibly inspired and can see myself contributing in a big way.

Key Tip: Be Specific

As you develop your answer, understand that the more specific you are, the more powerfully your answer will resonate. Conversely, the vaguer you are, the more generic — or even canned — the response will seem.

In the example above, the writer alludes to health care professionals in their family, focuses on copywriting and editorial strategy — not just writing — and mentions brainstorming, a more specific form of collaboration. These are all examples of specificity that make the answer seem more personal and unique.

What Not to Say

It’s obvious how you shouldn’t answer the “Why do you want this job” question, but it bears repeating. Don’t say you want the job because:

  • You like the salary
  • You like the perks or benefits
  • You like the title
  • You want to work remotely or in a particular location
  • You couldn’t get another job you really wanted

Before your next interview, practice your response to “Why do you want to work here?” out loud, not just in your head. And keep in mind that the best answer is less about why you want them and more about why they should want you. If you convey passion, enthusiasm, and optimism with specificity, you’ll connect to the interviewer’s wish list in a way that will leave them thinking, “This is why we want you to work here.”

By: Joel Schwartzberg

Source: How to Answer “Why Do You Want to Work Here?”

Related contents:

You probably won’t ace a job interview without doing this one thing Fast Company

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